Hi everyone im so glad I found this site because I was beginning to buy into my ADHD husbands belief that im a rediculous person for asking him to spend time with me! We have been married 7 years and no kids luckily! I have been thinking about leaving because I am getting lower and lower on his priority list I think. Computer and Internet come first where he spends a lot of time. He doesnt know he spends so much time on there because he has no sense of time at all. He can be on the computer for a whole day, then complain about how he got nothing done! And then im rediculous for wanting to spend a little time with him. Do u guys get this? When hes with me, he yawns the entire time and looks so bored I just tell him to leave! And then yay, he gets to go back on the Internet and suddenly he's not tired any more.
Maybe he can marry the computer. Oh, and I think it should be ILLEGAL for ADHD people to have cell phones! Text messages come flying in all the time and he just cant resist! And he just got a new iphone and you can imagine what thats doing to our marriage!
At this point hes so focused on fixing ME and not on him. Every problem in our marriage its because of me. Im too demanding, im too needy, im being rediculous. Oh he will admit he has ADHD and problems, but theres no plans on changing. He will say "yes I spend a lot of time on the computer and I shouldnt" but guess what, 5 minutes later hes back on the computer.
If I spend that much time on gambling or alcohol or porn, he will say I have an addiction!!
He thinks he is so in control of his life when I think he has so little. His priorities are out of order. He likes to tell me all my flaws and blame the marriage problems on me. I admit to my problems. But Im not 100% to blame. But I dont have ADHD so I am expected to make the changes. He has ADHD so he cant change. He says he will try (at least for a day, then he loses focus) but its such a tough thing to overcome, basically it would be easier for me to fix my problems and require less attention from him.
Maybe that's what I need, is less attention from him and more attention from a better man who deserves me. I am no prize but I know Im a good person. I have my needs. Even though I still seek attention from him, by him not giving it to me, I have had to deal with putting my own needs aside. I feel like I am trying to squeeze a dried piece of fruit and hoping for juice to come out. I try and try but it might just be impossible for me to get what I need out of his marriage.
I love him so much and when when hes focused on me, its amazing. Im on cloud 9. He can be such a wonderful person but I cant tell him that because Im afraid he will think Im being over bearing.
Finding this website I have to say it gives me hope to make this work. I don't want to just throw 7 years of marriage away and go through the whole divorce process without trying everything to save this. But I feel like im doing all the work. I am researching and learning so much about ADHD so I can understand him better. So if hes not willing to do the work I dont think this marriage can work. Even if he does work on it, are we in the end still compromising on our wants and needs? Am I just better off without him?