My ADHD DH and I are currently separated. A little background on us - we've been married for 12 years this year but we've been friends for over 19 years. When our eldest son was diagnosed with ADHD I started doing research on it. My DH and I were already having marital problems and were in counseling. At the time the counselor thought he was Bi-polar and referred us to a therapist. The therapist diagnosed him with ADHD, depression and anxiety. We were thrilled! An ADHD diagnosis was way better then a Bi-polar one right?
DH got a script and started taking the "magical" pills. A year later we are still having issues only this time it is bad enough to separate. Emotionally I wasn't ready for a separation and I allowed him back in our home a short time later with the understanding that we would go back to counseling. We did go to counseling however the counselor was not very knowledgeable when it came to ADHD and I felt she was setting my DH up for failure asking him to do complex task so we searched out a new counselor. DH found one and decided to go by himself at first. The new counselor also had ADHD and I felt he was making huge strides with her. That was until he started to forget his appointments and got charged $50 for each missed appointment. Once that started to happen he quit going but didn't tell me.
Things went back to "normal" and I decided I could no longer allow myself nor my children to be treated the way we were being treated because he refuses seek help for himself so I asked him to leave our home. He's currently living with his parents. He works a 24/48 shift so he calls the boys on his work days. Since he's been gone he's only seen the boys for a total of 2.5 hrs. (2 hrs. one day when he forgot to feed them lunch and .5 hrs. the other day).
This is where I have questions -
How can he say he wants to have a family yet not make an effort to be with his children for more then 2.5 hrs. a week? I can't imagine this will look very good if/when we go to court and he claims he wants joint custody.
He says he wants to work things out yet he has yet to call and talk to me. Confused? How can you work something out if you can't even talk to the person you want to work things out with?
Monday morning he stopped by the house to pick up some of his clothes. As I was leaving for work he stopped me and opened up his arms for a hug. Confused again? I didn't want to hug him because I didn't want to give him false hope but at the same time I didn't want him to think "well I'm trying to show her some emotion and she won't even try so why bother" so I gave him a half assed hug.
The other day he called about something he already knew the answer to. I was working outside and didn't really have the time/desire to talk. Later I wondered if it was his way of trying to start a discussion so I texted him and asked him. His reply was "maybe". Is it really that difficult to give me a straight answer?
If someone with ADHD can shed some light I would appreciate it.