Delusional, asexual? THIS is ADHD??

Ok, so of course , my husband has ADHD and he is on medication and seeing a psychologist. But I'm noticing some behavior that I just can't chalk up to ” ADHD”...... Ex: The other day I asked for him to ” take a shower” with me and winked at him, he preceded to get in the shower with Me, wash as fast as he could and got out......Really? And when I asked him about it he just gave me a look and said ” Sorry......” Well it doesn't stop there, immediately after that we went to bed and I get in bed next to him with a look of hurt and slight annoyance On my face thinking he'd try to ” make it up to me” then.....nope..... Strange thing is, this exact situation has happened before...many times..... Now to the delusional part....my friend, who is a guy, had commented on a few pictures I put on facebook...nothing suggestive, simple platonic comments....my husband was annoyed and I asked what was wrong and he told me he was jealous....I replied, you have nothing to be jealous of babe, I'm married to you and love you...not my friend....and he said no, I'm jealous because I know he treats you better than I do....... Whatttttt???!!!?? If he can recognize this, which it is true what he said, I think something else is wrong.....

Complicated...

As many here know, I'm a 46 year old ADDer, diagnosed 3 years ago. I have read many accounts of guys with zero S drive, yet many cannot stop looking at porn. The situation you describe is the exact opposite here. I could wink until my eyelid broke and not get my DW in the shower. The S drive has always been one of my ways to "Scratch the Itch" as Dr. Hallowell says. The dopamine shot is my main addiction. Buying toys, like cars, electronics and pc stuff is my other ADD downfall. The spending issue is Much better since Adderall. S, on the other hand is still a Major need for me. The ADD shows up differently in each ADDer, many guys have terrible tempers,I am laid back, many have drug and alcohol issues, I never did.

As far as delusional jealous behavior, well I am not jealous AT ALL, but my DW believes Guys and Girls cannot be friends, casual at the most... The issue is I have always had women as friends, not as my best friend, but good friends. Jealousy adds to my anxieties, because I have to think constantly if my DW would like the people I went to lunch with at work. It's not like I ever go out with a group of people without my wife. Hell, WE hardly ever go out... I've tried to explain girl friends, but it is futile, because she Knows that if the situation was right, something would happen. I'm not jealous, because I cannot control what my DW decides to do. I cannot worry myself sick over something I cannot control, AND I trust her. She thinks I not jealous, because I don't care... Really?!?!?

Ugh...

Despite the view of XYZ this is a hugely common problem.

Many of us would have loved to have fixed it.

Eventually when this is the case many of us are religated to barely having sex.

Unfortunately it goes well beyond the sex in my opinion, it completely interferes with normal couple bonding.

I highly believe that 180 of rare sex that occurred after marriage absolutely had a severe impact on the bonding that couples usually do early on in marriage. I spent years perplexed. Doing all the things anyone could think of to garner my husband's interest. Nothing made a dent. I'd never experienced anything like it before.

Talking about it to my husband did nothing but make it worse.

Add that to all the other issues...

No communication, empathy problems, no time time spent together....

Turns into a serious problem.

Very bizarre that a person you know is in no way stupid can't control impulse issue, whether running off at a whim or thinking a conversation is over when really it hasn't begun.

It's some rough stuff.

Pretty much why, as much as I love my husband, it turned out to be like marrying an absolute stranger.

Very, very difficult.

 

 

 

My hubby is a lot like that.

My hubby is a lot like that. He lives in fear that I will find someone better because in his mind, I deserve better. He gets very jealous whenever I mention another guy. Rightfully so to some extent as I got into a semi-emotional affair a couple of years back. I honestly can't even imagine sleeping with another man, so it's purely a situation where I thrive on the attention. My counselor says it's because I was an only child.

I agree it makes no sense when they seem to realize something is wrong in the relationship but seem completely incapable of doing something about it.

Hubby and I haven't done the deed in over a year. Granted about eight months of that year we were not in the same city, were living with roommates  and/or family, etc. Not conducive to romance that's for sure. And things haven't been great between us. Melissa wrote a blog post recently about sex in an ADHD marriage. She made a good point about how if the ADDer perceives his partner as being bitter, tired, resentful, then they'll not be very interested in sex. That made sense to me and if that was the case with my hubby, then that totally explains the drought.

We've been back under the same roof for just over two months, and things are improving relationship wise. Hubby says that he has been thinking about "it" but he hasn't gone beyond that. I typically don't like to initiate, but I'm so desperate right now, I'm thinking about wrapping myself in saran wrap tomorrow for our weekly "date" night. Lol.