Desperate - HELP

I've been on this forum for years trying to find answers to help my ADHD husband and our marriage.  I sit here with my eyes swollen in tears, my heart and mind battered beyond repair.  All I want is peace and answers to why I had to go thru all this pain and suffering for in the end nothing to change and for me to be an emotional wreck when I was a happy, healthy stable beautiful girl? 

Does anyone know what it feels like when your husband is addicted to porn and interaction with transvestites and escorts (when he has a supermodel joan of arc for a wife)?

Does anyone know what it feels like to have someone say they hate you everyday, you make them miserable and life was better without you?

Does anyone know what it feels when work 3 jobs while someone smokes weed all day and refuses to work?  

Does anyone know what it feels like to be criticized, belitted and demoralized by someone you love?  I'll spare the examples because there is too much to write.

Does anyone understand what it feels like for you own husband to say that no one will want to impregnate you?

Does anyone know how it feels when you find your ADHD spouse a doctor and then he says you never helped or supported him?

Does anyone know how it feels to get your head slammed into glass but the verbal and emotional abuse by someone you love hurts million times more?

This f*cking life isn't normal and know I'm the one angry, anxious and depressed.  Why after I tried so hard someone you love would do this to you?  I tried to help him and love this man who has hurt me beyond anything I could have imagined.  I would never wish this upon anyone.

Anyone with severe ADHD combined with abusive tendencies fckn realize what you do to people that love you.   I'm such a mess I can't even collect my thoughts but all I know is that its my turn for someone to support me.