Happy new year!
I hope you're all well and enjoying your day.
I am in an extremely difficult situation with my partner which is making me unwell as he refuses to understand that he may need some help.
Upon first meeting him 4 years ago there was various comments of difficulties at work, from small inconveniences to him reversing a truck backwards through a garage at the work yard. As it was a new relationship i didn't think much of it and to be honest most things were laughed off.
As the relationship went on I found lots of accidents happening, impulsive decisions being made etc, but actually found me being blamed for most things. A 'funny' yet good example is; one day i decided to make a mango curry from scratch. I made it which took quite some time and upon it needing to simmer for a little while i asked if my partner would watch it whilst i go and have a shower. On leaving the shower and drying my hair i could smell burning. I ran to the kitchen to find him waving a knife around and filming himself on snapchat to send to his friend. When i exclaimed that the dinner was burning he turned round, threw his arms in the air and told me that it was my fault because of the pan I had chosen. I (somehow?) accepted this at the time and took it on the chin. This wasn't just slightly burned, this was fully stuck to the pan with no chance of saving. I suggested we just eat the rice as that was fine and asked if he could just put it in bowls for us. Next minute i turn around and hes got the rice in the sink under running cold water. I asked what he was doing and he replied "I dont know".
Months later and after experiecing more of these incidents, my partner came home from work one day and explained he had been called into the office as there had been lots of complaints made about him. When i asked how things had come to such a head he explained that there had always been lots of complaints made and people having to correct him for various thing, but he again found a way to blame others. I tried to figure out what was actually going on between him blaming other people and the complaints made themselves. I realised that the problems we were having at home coincided with the difficulties people had been having with him at work. Most related to him not thinking, doing things as quickly as he could etc. From not attaching a trailer properly to getting vans stuck. Slowly i started to piece things together and felt like a clearing had appeared and slowly started to realise that these behaviors couldn't be everybody else's fault.
The other day we went into a DIY shop and the isle he wanted to go down was closed off due to them stacking the top shelves with heavy machinery. Despite there being a orange and black banner across the isle he ducked under it. I told him that he shouldn't be in there, but like usual he shrugged and just laughed at me. Before I knew it someone at the top of their voice shouted STOP! another worker ran to the machinery to tell them to stop and people from the till ran over to make sure everything was okay. Once the workers and other members of the public had started to realise what had happened people began to laugh at my partner and make comments in regard to why he had ducked under the tape and how obvioous it was that he shouldnt have gone under there. I cant put into words the feeling I had, but I just wanted to crawl and hide away.
Today i am finally at my wits end and no longer knowing what more i can do. We went to the river and took the dog and a picnic as the sun was out. Our dog is a boxer, so not the greatest of swimmers and just likes to paddle and splash around. Whilst she was happy i decided to go and sit down and relax. Next minute i look up to see my partner has put our dog in the deepest and fastest part of the water to try and make her swim. Her eyes were bulging out of her head in panic, her legs going as fast as they could and her head slowly going under. I lept up in a hurry, swam out to her and grabbed her when her body just collapsed on to me. The poor little thing was terrified and im sure couldn't work out why her dad was next to her clapping and saying 'good girl' whilst she was drowning.
My partner has finally admitted something isn't right, but still has that denial aspect about things. There is clearly a difficulty somewhere, but even more of a difficulty with him refusing to see there is an issue.
It took me a long time to figure out something was going on as there was so much blame shifted, but as we are having troubles, works having troubles with him and now we cant even go into shops there is clearly something wrong.
I am hoping he will go and get some help, but in the mean time i am looking for some support as i am at my wits end.
To me everything points to ADD not ADHD. He does not have those hyperactive aspects. Does this sound like ADD to anyone else?
Also is this denial thing a part of it and something others have experienced?