I am new to the subject of ADHD and marriage, and new to the idea that my husband has ADHD, but the more I read the more sense it makes. I hope to find comradery and hope from those of you out there who have been/are in these shoes. It is a terrible feeling to feel alone in the battle, and to question if the problem is you, your husband, or both. We have been together for over 7 years, but we have been married for just over 6 months.
I am a senior medical student graduating in May, and my career definitely takes a "type-A" personality in order to function well. I value punctuality, structure, and organization. My husband possesses none of those qualities, and I find myself overwhelmingly frustrated with him almost regularly. I can only rely on him to be UNreliable. He is ALWAYS late, forgets tasks unless I nag him to get them done, etc. etc. I think he tries very hard, but I just can't wrap my head around why he can't complete these trivial tasks. My trust in him is almost non-existent, so I end up doing it myself. The most sore subject (at least for the moment) is finances, because he doesn't make much money and I am living on student loans. We have also been a long-distance couple since I started medical school 3 years ago, so I fear that we will have even more turmoil when we begin to merge our everyday lives in a few months.
Things get particularly bad when I confront him about something that he hasn't done, or something I worry he will forget to do. He either gets mad that I don't trust him, or I get mad because he tries to make more promises to "fix it" (and I don't believe he will follow through). I often feel like a bad guy because of how frustrated and untrusting I get, or guilty because deep down I know he's trying. Despite this feeling like a "bad guy", I can't help but feel justified because he is truly unreliable.
I am now in a state of depression over this, and after last night I feel like divorce might be a real option (I know, only 6 months into the marriage!). He needed to use my credit card a few months ago for a very large repair to be done on his vehicle (about $1500), and he PROMISED it would be paid off in about 4 months. He convinced me that he had the payments budgeted in, and he would give me a payment monthly. I felt uncomfortable using my credit card because of all the student debt I already have (and because of his track record), but I reluctantly agreed. Six months later, I have only seen one payment that I nagged him for. An argument about this took place last night because he has devised a "new plan" to make the payments, and I can't bring myself to trust that it will get done. My trust is totally gone.
I go back and forth wondering if I am being too harsh, or if I am justified in my total frustration. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, and I can fill in more info if I was unclear about anything. I don't want to end this relationship, but I can't live with this anymore.