Desperately need some help / advice

Hi all,

my names stu. I bought the book for couples today and found out about this website. I could really do with some help from anyone who might be going through what I am going through right now.

Basically ive suspected ive had ADHD all my life, i was sort of diagnosed with it a few years ago. Im 39 now, I live in Liverpool in the UK and, sadly, my marriage has failed.

I have two amazing kids, and a wife I love to bits, and I cannot change what has happened it would seem. However, we have to live together for now and although she is saying she will give me the chance to see whatever might develop in the future, shes also saying that has to happen with us moving in different directions. I think she just wants a simple life with someone who doesnt have my condition, even though i am literally just at the stage of learning about it, and going to see my first counsillor this week. I know, now, that i can fix the parts of me now that caused our marriage to breakdown, and be the good person of me...however, I think the ADHD is not letting me accept whats happening and I am making her life hell at home. I am almost at panic attack stage because the immediate situation i need resiolving wont happen and i cant see the greater good. The book tells me this is ADHD too. She has agreed to read the book but i see no conviction in her because she thinks i have never tried, and now I amn trying when the horse has bolted. 

I have used drugs and things for years on and off - self medication, need for dopamine, whatever that is,. I have quit everything now but its all too little too late. 

I need some help. I need some advice, anything, that will help me focus and get through what im going through to give some space at home. Its absolutely killing me, Its crippling because I know now i can fix it. But im too late.

ADHD is making the situation that ADHD created much much worse. I dont know what to do. I am lost. Has anyone been through this because I need the experiences of someone who might have.

I feel very alone. All my friends say jst give her the space and time and she might start to see your actions are speaking louder than your words but...I just cant do it as it has a stronger control of me right now than ever. We also both work at home, and I dont know how i will get through the next 2 hours let alone the next 6 months. 

If anyone can help me with any advice I would really appreciate it.