This is my very first time on this website AND talking about my husband's ADHD. He was never diagnosed until after he married me, and began taking medication about 6 months ago (just started Adderall a couple days ago) and is also on an anti depressant/anxiety. We have been married almost 2 years. I am 38 and about to graduate as a respiratory therapist in May (previously a preschool teacher), and my husband is 40 and an architect (not one that makes 6 figures however :) - common assumption). We started trying for a baby in January (if you can call sex twice in 1 month trying). We have both put on a lot of weight in the past year - I am disgusted with myself and tend to "hide" and I have to admit for the 1st time, I am not attracted to my husband at the moment (which I would never tell him).
I read a few of the posts on here and can relate to so much of what is being said. I am so beyond frustrated, unhappy, sad and angry at times. I have become someone I don't like and sometimes I don't even recognize. I have gone from being the very supportive, patient, fun, kind wife, to a miserable, nagging, critical, controlling wife a lot of the time. I feel like I am "raising" my husband and completely resent it. He's 6 feet tall, big Italian/Hungarian man who acts like a baby most of the time, which drives me crazy. It seems lately, that everything he does annoys me or irritates me. He never remembers to do most of what he says he's going to do or just never gets to it, he is always late - ALWAYS (which I find rude), and the only thing in his life that seems to be a priority is his job. Of course, he is now miserable too because he says all I do is complain and criticize him (guess it doesn't matter when he does that to me sometimes though). Inside, I feel really bad, I am totally aware of it and have this internal dialog with myself on a constant basis (anyone else know what I'm talking about?) to "stop reacting" "stay calm" "let him do his thing"...and as quickly as I say it in my head, is as quick as its out the window. We constantly bicker & fight, usually over trivial things, he doesn't understand ANYTHING I say, he forgets so many conversations and always tells me that its me who forgot, and he blames me for absolutely everything and takes no responsibility for himself. He doesn't complete any tasks he starts (ex. : re-tiled the floor 3 years ago and had to finally get on his case and demand that the baseboards go back up by today before my parents come to visit tomorrow night). Still hoping he gets it done by tomorrow. Meanwhile i will have cleaned the entire house, laundry, reorganized the pantry, and went grocery shopping. I've been feeling like this marriage is going to fail big time because he is making me crazy and I am scared at what life with him AND children is going to be like (I want 2 kids more than I can explain and I am running out of time). I am trying to be as honest and "non long-winded" as I can. :) Until about an hour ago, I just felt like my marriage isn't normal, my husband isn't normal, I am going to go crazy, and is divorce in my future? It never dawned on me to "Google" ADHD and marriage. After reading just a little bit, I think most of our issues are related back to that. I am by no means saying that I have no responsibility in this or that I am flawless, quite the opposite. But, I know in my heart and soul, that even if my husband insists that's it's me - it isn't, not always anyway.
Hopefully, my venting made some sense. Now I am in desperate need of advice, help, and reassurance that I am not alone. In my frustration today when speaking to my husband on the phone, I blurted out how I feel like I am always alone - not in the physical sense, but in the sense that I don't feel like we are on the same page, or a team, or anything of the sort. I feel like it's always "tit for tat" with him, and competitive, and that we are on opposite sides - it sucks! This whole past week, every time we spoke to each other, it turned into an argument - I am exhausted. This is not how I pictured marriage and life together. We went to a l marriage counselor for a few months, but it became a chore and she wasn't really doing anything to help. I feel like we would benefit more from an expert on ADHD rather than just typical marriage counseling.
I want to stop "parenting" my husband - it doesn't work for either of us on many levels. I want to be happy and content, and I definitely don't want a divorce, I just know I can't stay married the way it is right now.