My DH (ADHD spouse) has been out of town since Weds night. I am a SAHM so I do appreciate him being the breadwinner, dealing with the boys when I ask so I can have a break, and things like that. But I must admit, it has been VERY nice to have a break from the crazy-train. No parenting inconsistencies, no broken promises, no communication roadblocks, no judgement (oh, he judges my parenting so much!), no one cramping my style so to speak. It's been very calm and enjoyable. The boys have been wonderful, especially my 8 yo. We have (had?) kind of a rocky relationship going the past few months, but he has been GREAT while DH has been gone. He's been respectful, affectionate, helpful. It's been very encouraging.
DH has called but I haven't really wanted to talk to him. He told me and texted that he misses me, but honestly I do not miss him.
He comes home tomorrow so I'm bracing for impact. Should I be honest and tell him that I enjoyed the break? I know he's going to ask how we were while he was gone--do I tell him things were better without him here? If I tell him bluntly he will explode and it will be come a huge issue. But this could be an opportunity for a frank and honest discussion.
It sure has been eye opening....
~ deb
If it were me coming home...
Submitted by YYZ on
I would be crushed to hear that things were so much better while I was gone. I've know about my ADD for almost 3 years and responded well to meds (I never miss a dose) and I've been reading and posting ever since my diagnosis. Does your DH know/believe he has ADD? His acceptance of his ADD is so important. I'm not sure how you explain it to him, but maybe you say everything went smoothly, the kids were good for you and you were pleased how well things went, in spite of being alone. He "Might" get it or might be oblivious to what you are saying. Many of my male ADD counterparts have pretty bad tempers, I'm not one of them, so I only know what I would think if life at home was "Super" while I was gone and it had not been "Super" for a long time.
He has been dx'd for over 4
Submitted by mommachef on
He has been dx'd for over 4 years now, but it seems like he has not fully embraced the diagnosis. He has a history of playing with his meds and he recently quit therapy cold turkey. Thanks for the suggestions on how to word it--I think he'll get it.
Tough to swallow when you get the diagnosis...
Submitted by YYZ on
After my diagnosis I saw how much better things could be! I only worried that my knowledge would come too late. My post diagnosis self is SO much better and home and work. I know I can achieve more than I could have otherwise. The knowledge explains so much in my earlier life (I did grieve for what could have been different), but the rest of my life has SO much more potential. Maybe your DH will get this one day. Reading the books and reading the post here are Hard to do, but if I don't, how can I better myself? Knowledge is your best friend, if you ask me :)
He's home and it's hell
Submitted by mommachef on
I picked him up from the airport this afternoon and endured his verbal diarrhea all the way home. We were home all of 2 hours when he got in the middle of a situation I was handling with our 8 yr old and it resulted in a 1.5 hr meltdown for our son. Totally avoidable.
I am so disheartened. I can't ride this crazy train any longer.