Did he have ADD?

Hi. I'm new to the site and am looking for some help. This may be a long post! My husband informed me 4 weeks ago that he wants a divorce. There is a lot of reasons why but since he's told me this I've been thinking a lot about our marriage and what went wrong. Something that was there from the beginning was my husbands strange behavior. We often joked he had ADD but I didn't know enough about it to really know for sure if that is what he had. I eventually chaulked it up as who he was and tried to deal with him the best I could. He would even at times say he thought he had it becuase he would lose things and lose concentration but ignored it. The sad thing is I feel that his issues took such a toll on me that I started to have mental issues. I have OCD (just checking things) and this got so severe and I feel it was due to the stress I was under for so many years. I suffered from anxiety and my husband said I was so up tight but looking back I think it was because of what I was dealing with. Since he's been gone is has almost completely stopped! Somehow he convinced me I was mental and I spent 2 years in therapy. This whole time I was trying to fix my issues and deeply commited to making things better. My husband while saying he was supportive really sat back and waited for me to change for him. Now after reading I think he suffers from ADD and I was not really crazy after all. Anyways I wanted to write about what I experienced and see if you guys think.

My husband would never really help around the house unless I stayed on him about it. He would leave dirty socks at the door and drop his clothes anywhere. He would leave every cabinent door open or every drawer. He left every light on in the house. He could clean if he put his mind to it but for the most part it was just my job because it was the only way it would get done.

He would never take care of anything. He seemed to break everything. He would leave expensive tools out and say, it would be fine. He lost or broke cell phones and expensive gadgets. It's like everything was disposable. If it broke he'd just get a new one. I hated him borrowing anything because there was a good chance he would leave it out or something.

He would get obsessive about a new hobby or "toy" and read every magazine about it or get really depressed and mopey if we couldn't afford it. I got to where I gave in becuase I couldn't stand how mopey he would act. If he did find a way to do the hobby he would soon forget about it and be ready to start a new one. He tells me now he was so miserable with me he was looking for happiness but I've never seen someone go through so many ideas and hobbies. It's funny his dad does the exact same thing. He would leave jobs because he was sick of them and didn't feel he was getting paid what he was worth. He would start a new job and several weeks into complain how he should have never left the last. He decided to be an EMT last year and obsessed over getting to school for it. He graduated and started working in the ER but already complains about it and now is obsessed with being a nurse. (a reason he's wanting a divorce too is so he can pursue his dreams of going back to school) Right now he even wants this divorce TODAY. I mean it's been 4 weeks and he wants to get it all done. I honestly feel it's one of his split decsions. I'm sure he believes it's going to solve everything, but is he going to have any regret a few months down the road.

He was always purchasing things when I told him we didn't have the money. He'd open new credit cards after we had refinanced the house to pay off debt. I handled all of the bills and I could never seem to keep up on his spending so our bank account was always out of control. I stayed stressed to the max and always had to ask my parents for help.

He often came home upset that he had been yelled at on a job or something but would always blame someone else or say there was a reason. I know he often lost tools or couldn't find things on the job and I know good and well his employers must feel like I do but if I would try to nicely explain maybe why they were mad he'd blow up and say i'm not supportive.

These are just a few of the things! I'm devasted because I tried hard to except and love him for who he was and the tension got too much and now he says he never loved me and wants me out of his life. I feel I sacrificed my mental health for him and now he dumps me. We did have good times and it's funny if we were doing something he was into or excited about he seemed so happy and affectionate but if he was bored with life he seemed to take it out on me. He drank a lot and says it was because of me but I don't know about that. I think unless he gets help he's going to stay miserable. Maybe one day he'll see it wasn't really about me.

Anyways, I'd just like some input and maybe some support.

You've come to the right

You've come to the right place.  I believe you will find that many of our lives are quite similiar.  Much of what you write about sounds exactly like what I have experienced with my ADHD husband.  Medication and therapy help but I'm finding it is going to be a long, hard, frustrating journey.  Somehow you're going to need to convince your husband he needs help.  Good luck with that.  Keep the faith.

hubby getting help

Can your therapist help you think through how you feel about this roller coaster you've been on, and whether or not it is in your best interests to try further or just move on?  I don't mean that to sound harsh - it's simply a question based upon his asking for a divorce.  If you do move on, then it won't be your job to convince your husband he has ADD and needs help.  Anyway, you aren't crazy - what you describe has all the hallmarks of ADD (even the fact that his dad probably had it, too).

In reply to Kit_Kat

I'm sorry that you had to go through that and that he made you feel as if you were the crazy one.  I am going through what you have almost exactly except for the finances and job thing.  My husband owns his own business and has been doing fairly well on that end as far as I know.  Now at least you can get on with your life and realize that you are not the crazy one.  You didn't mention kids, so that is one good thing that you don't have to worry about.  I understand completely how you felt and I wish you nothing but happiness in the future.  Concentrate on you now and make yourself happy.