Disclosure

I'm 36 and I've displayed symptoms of ADHD my entire life.  I was officially diagnosed in college... I didn't pursue any treatment, however.  Here's the thing--  due to my intelligence and creativity, my parents and teachers always had an incredibly high evaluation of my potential....  by which I always felt oppressed.  So when I hit 19 or so, I rejected my perceived potential and sought happiness through a "live for today" mentality.  This led to becoming a total pothead, dropping out of college, completing 2 trade schools, continuing to be a total pothead, and jumping from job to job.

I met my wife 10 years ago, during the time I spent trying to figure out how to be a grown-up.  She also wasn't focusing on the future, and we got along incredibly. She was very responsible but was wound up tight, and I had no life skills but was a calming force.  It worked.

When we got pregnant my wife and I quit smoking pot.  It's been amazing, but we had no idea the level to which we were both self-medicating.... I was managing the side-effects of ADHD, and she was managing her OCD.

I don't think anyone could imagine a more explosive combination... One partner with ADHD and one with OCD??? Holy moly.  Needless to say, the idiosyncrasies of my ADHD drive her crazier than most people, and it's come to a breaking point.

Here's my progress and hope:  I've started the incredibly emotional process of finding the solutions to my personal and our marriage's obstacles, and the accuracy with which the free chapters of Melissa Orlov's book describe my personal experience has given me hope that there is a proven process with by which my wife and I can thrive in our relationship.

Thanks,

Scott

carathrace's picture

awareness is the first step

Hello Scott, I just want to encourage you on your path.  You seem to have come to a new level of self-honesty and are taking some healthy steps.  Yes, you do have a lot on your plate, and at the same time there is hope, since you have stopped self-medicating and started looking for solutions.  Melissa's book and her course are good places to start.  I wish you the very best!

Rosber's picture

Scott, its great that you are

Scott, its great that you are on a path of positive progress! I had the same responses from parents and teachers when I was younger about my intelligence and creativity and it got me far in life, even undiagnosed. It wasn't until I became a stay at home father and my son got to the age where I didn't have to force structure my life anymore that I started losing control.

My son is a few months from being 11 now and I am 53. I went undiagnosed and was able to hold it together until I was around 49. We had things come up by the end of 2009 that put me over the edge and I kept things inside that I should have shared with my wife. I escaped a lot and jumped from impulse to impulse to escape. I left my wife deal with it all.

I never used any meds in my life personally, thats why at first it was so hard for me to accept that I had to take something for ADHD. I am glad to see you have stopped using pot.

The Vyvanse I am taking is helping me focus though, which has been a problem for me my whole life.

Its sounds like you have a great start going. Make sure you share responsibilties with your wife and talk to her. You both are each others greatest Allies! Talk and give each other support!

Rosber