Discussing and making plans


   I have a constant struggle with my husband about making plans and honoring them. 1. He doesn't really listen when we talk. 2. When I do our evening check in, he doesn't tell me he has any plans for tomorrow, and he says yes to what I propose. 3. The next morning he announces he has to do this, that or another thing, and it's urgent and can't be postponed. 4. We re-negotiate our plan for the day, usually with some frustration and hard feelings.

   This morning we had a minor argument. He said he isn't forthcoming when we do our evening check in because he doesn't want to create an argument. Then he plans he will simply fit in his things around what he agreed with me. His "fitting in" other things always disrupts our plans.

   I've tried many different ways to get him to pay attention and participate in the check in. I ask him to tell me what he plans to do or wants to do the next day. Nothing works. I get constant surprises, and many of our agreed plans fall through. Yesterday I told him I'm going to our daughter's home this afternoon to help her with a minor repair project. He said he wants to go, but he agreed to do some repairs for a friend. He told me he would go see our friend early and only spend 1-2 hours there. Today he got up late and read for a while, then settled in to surf the internet and watch the news on TV simultaneously. Next he set to doing something before going, and now he made coffee, read while he drank it, and went upstairs. Now he came back and proposed we do our daughter's repair differently than what she requested, which led to some discussion, and now our friend called to see why he didn't show up at her house.

   I'm curious if anyone in this group has a better strategy for making plans and sticking to them.

Thank you,