Distracted and taking it personally

I really just want to know to not take it personally when he's distracted, even during sex. Claims to be having the best sex of his life with me, but then he is staring at the lyrics on the tv screen.  And this is not the first time.  And he admitted doing it. How is this not supposed to just break my heart? And then when I try to stuff my heartbreak, and he has an RSD episode the very next morning, and blows up at me for asking a question, I'm supposed to stuff that too.  Well, the argument that ensues ends with me apologizing as usual for not understanding that these things are just ADHD, I shouldn't take it personally.  After all, he says he's trying, and it hurts him to be told this hurts me, and he says he feels rejected.  ADHD, the gift that just keeps on giving.  How is this not  gaslighting?  How is this not victim blaming?  Will someone please help me understand how this resembles love?