I was diagnosed with ADHD a little over 3 months ago. I am 47 and I am on medication. Once I took the medication it was like I had the blindfold taken off I had unknowingly worn for 40 years.
My wife and I were on the verge of divorce after 20 years of marriage at the beginning of the 3 months since I was diagnosed. We agreed to see how things would go. The first 2 1/2 months went absolutely fantastic. I mean fantastic as the both of us said to each other that we were falling in love all over again. She told her father it was miraculous and our 2 daughters had said it was like I was a totally different person.
I know that my wife had built up mechanisms and tactics to deal with my ADHD over the 20 years and I knew that I had to be patient and understand that these would still show up occasionally. The main problem she had with me was my anger. Let me explain - She would bring things up to me and if she did not like the answer then she would start in on me by degrading me, humiliating me, etc. Each time in the beginning I was calm and tried to talk with her but she had eventually pushed enough buttons so that I would explode and start yelling. I have NEVER physically abused my wife nor had I ever started just yelling at her out of the blue. The passive aggressive pattern described above is what had occurred each time.
About 2 weeks ago my wife accused me of doing something and was upset. I knew she had every right to be given our past. I calmly showed her factual proof that I had not done what she accused me of. In fact I had showed her 3 instances of factual proof that I did not do what she accused me of. I was calm in explaining this to her. The same pattern that I described above then happened. I had not yelled once since I've taken the medication. She told me that it was over and for the past two weeks she has made my life a living hell. She gave me 1 month to move out of our house.
I told her that I don't have any money saved as I spent it on supporting the kids. I said I understand that you want to get a divorce and I all that I am asking is to give me 4 months until the end of April so that I can save money to move out. She has rejected that.
Today, I found out that she had closed our joint checking account and transferred the money out of it into a sole account that she set-up.
I've realized that no matter how good things were going since I've been on medication, my wife cannot let go of the past. Like I said, I understand that it will take time and I've been patient with her but that just doesn't matter anymore.
I can tell you that I have wholly embraced taking my medication, setting up behavioral and organizational tools, and have taken a positive outlook on moving forward. I want to tackle this and have taken it head on.
I am stressed out tremendously and am looking for advice/feedback.
Thank you in advance!