Divorced Parents disagreeing on ADD teen treatment

Hi guys,


I'm a new spouse coming into a family with two daughters, the oldest 15 with ADD and the youngest 11 with ADHD.  I love them to pieces and am excited to the many things involved with parenting as I am 41 and never had any children(wanted to but that's a different talk show).  My spouse is a RN at a children's hospital and has access to many professionals for advice on many avenues.  My wife shares custody with her ex husband.  At the time of our engagement the ex had not attended any appointments with their therapist until it was announced that we were engaged(I have attended all of them).   This last october the eldest had a bout with the H1N1 Swine Flu which ended up damaging her thyroid as a result of complications with her asthma.  As of January he decided that she needs to no longer be on strattera(40mg) and told this to the therapist, and now my wife apparently, has no input whatsoever to whether or not she is to be on meds since the teen wants to be off the meds as well.  The therapist talked to my wife and I stating the best way to deal with this is let them have their 3 month trial so they can see how she responds to being off her meds, and basically his hands are tied.  During the past 3 months I documented any behavior as I wasn't sure if certain behavior was ADD related or not, and I presented all that I observed(many pages) to the Doc and her ex husband.  I asked him if he observed this behavior with this child(he's been working with her for over 7 years) would he diagnose her with ADD, he said absolutely, these are classic symptoms of ADD.  The Ex had zero evidence or research to support his concern that it was the strattera that was a major issue in her getting the thyroiditus.  We had another month trial for the daughter to show us that she could be responsible, proactive, and get her homework done, where her bands on her braces ...  She did well for two days and quickly slid back into her pattern.  We just had another meeting tonight with her father and he is still adamant that she not be on those meds(even though her trozodone has tripled for her to sleep at night).  We see 3 options, keep fighting, court for custody, or give in.  The wife is spent emotionally and I'm trying to support the best I can.  I have always been interested in psychology and with what I'm now a part of, I can see this is an area that I want to focus on.  I'm not sure what I'm looking for, maybe some advice, comments or guidance, or maybe a place to vent some frustration as it seems to be like all the effort we are putting in is similar to beating our head into a brick wall and expecting a door to appear and open up.


Thank you for having this forum available, it's greatly need,