Melissa's email post about the lack of intimate relationships got me wondering a bit. (something like half of us lack even a single friendship that we can count on).
I know my untreated ADHD wife is human. I've seen her breathe, and bleed.... But If I am an evolved, introspective man with feelings and needs for intimacy (not just sex. Hey how 'bout sliding over on the couch or in bed once in awhile? Y'know, a touch, a whisper, an embrace? Maybe to show that you too need your man) then isn't an ADHD spouse seemingly susceptible to the same human needs?
But with constant rejection of my similar gestures, and none, absolutely none, of her own. Isn't she also lacking that (theoretically) needed contact and intimacy? Doesn't she, at least at some point in life, need intimate (or any) contact?
Let's assume, although she DOES fall into every one of the discussed and known alienating relationship tendencies, that she is NOT having an affair (she apparently has "character" as she likes to say). So without getting needs for touch, contact, intimate moments with ME her husband, can one make the assumption that like so many other important issues for non-ADHD'ers that the ADHD'er just "forget" their own needs for intimate contact, along with forgetting the oven, or forgetting the mortgage, etc?
It seems like such a basic human need, that even one with a disorder couldn't consistently lack desire for it. to me it's like breathing, or eating. I cannot live forever holding my wife up high as the person to whom, I come to, for all of my intimacy needs, yet get none. But she seems to have no trouble going on... Worse still. The less contact I get, the more I seem to crave. I almost feel that I could deal with her ADHD behaviors on all other topics, if only I had a confidante, a person to rub my shoulders, to recharge my batteries after a week of tough travel for work. A person that WANTS to slide over and be in my arms, or have me in theirs. I guess I'm saying an affair.... But I don't want an affair. I don't want another. I love her, and need her. How can she not also have this need. If only on even a minimal level?
Do ADHD'ers really forget their own basic needs, and therefore appear to not have those needs?
It's father's day, and I am the proud dad of the best 11 year old daughter... But my wife told me yesterday that there's no real reason for her (my wife) to celebrate with me, because I am not her (my wife's) father.... WHAM right in the face and all.... My mouth dropped open. Was this another thing blurted out without thought? (the ADHD rears again). Or does she really believe that only kids celebrate their own father's? How cold. How callous.
Why I am I even here? Sometimes when I schedule my trips for work, I fantasize about not booking the return trip home. Like the Bruce Springsteen song "Hungry Heart", I wonder what might happen If while out for a gallon of milk one day, I "take a wrong turn, and just keep goin'"