Do I make a list?

My husband has asked me to make a list of how he SHOULD respond because he doesn't read my cues, wording, or responses well. I've felt like he has completely disregarded my feelings and opinions for years because he would usually do what he wanted even after he asked me what i wanted to do, then therewould be a big fight and he would say he didn't think it was that big of a deal to me. Since figuring out he has ADHD, I have become much more assertive and emphatic when I don’t want to do something so as not to give him the idea that I could be convinced or that I was undecided (a polite "no" from me was never a full stop, more a beginning point for persuasion or argument for him, causing me to to feel like I am not taken seriously or allowed to have my own opinions about things). Now he is constantly accusing me of being angry or being mean, and defensively telling me to calm down. I'm not angry, mean, or riled up. I am simply being emphatic so there is no "mistake" about my thoughts or feelings. He says he need me to write down what I really mean and how he should interpret it or understand what I'm saying. I don't want to.  I have been very specific for years and he just blew me off.  After dealing with his behaviors with no diagnosis for all these years and getting nothing but pushback when I tried to communicate with him or stand up for myself, I don't think it's my job to write him an operator's manual for dealing with me. I have encouraged him to go to therapy or get coaching since he is completely opposed to meds. He wants to do couple's therapy. I begged him to go for years and he refused, and now I am no longer in a place where I have any desire to do so until he starts taking some ownership of his ADHD and managing it himself because I have done all the reading and research and I feel like he's only gone along with it and done NOTHING himself besides listen to sermons on how to be a good husband. That's great and all, but the problem is bigger than selfishness and character defects. Anyway, am I just being unreasonable or am I correct in thinking this is just another way I'm having to do the work and he isn't making a serious effort?