To Do Lists and the ADHD Brain

I recently had a moment of insight into the ADHD brain:

Per the suggestion of our counselor, I gave my 13-year-old ADHD son a check-list for school preparation and nighttime tasks. He HATED it, argued, thrashed, moaned, etc.

Later, when debriefing the incident with my ADHD husband, he said that if I had given him such a list, he would feel "attacked." He would feel that I didn't trust him to be responsible. Also, just looking at the list would make him feel like a failure b/c it would show him everything he hadn't accomplished.  

I was shocked! To-do lists as attacks? That never, ever crossed my mind. To me, a to-do list is just a to-do list. It holds no hidden message nor is it fraught with emotion. Its words on paper. His perspective is so completely opposite of my own! I have about 6 lists/calendars/charts/ledgers that keep me organized. It helps me prevent failure. For me, to-do lists are all about responsibility and organization.

This was a light-hearted conversation (no tension). After his explanation, I said "I just find that [opinion of task lists] immature." His response: "Well, I think I have the more grown-up version of that immaturity."  :)

BTW, I gave all four of my kids their own checklists. The child who needs it the least loves it the most. Go figure.