Been a while since I've posted much. Added "Stay Focusd" (actual spelling) to Google Chrome in order to limit my time on the computer.
I recently read a great article in ADDitude magazine about gluten sensitivity (which is NOT the same as Celiac or a wheat allergy). It mentioned some physical symptoms (allergies, eczema, sensitive skin) as signs of a likely food sensitivity. I love wheat, so I figured it had to be THAT, so like a good impulsive ADHDer, I quit cold turkey 3 weeks ago. I don't know that it's helped my ADHD so far. I have read elsewhere that gluten can cause inflammation/inflammatory responses, which I thought (inexpertly, albeit) would explain some of the weird issues/sensitivities I've had, which I won't bother to explain, only because I feel they expose my identity a little more, they are so weird. So on a hunch, 5 years after developing a nickel allergy which made it impossible to wear my wedding/engagement rings without eczema so bad it woke me up at night (will spare you gross details), I put it back on two days ago. No reaction. None. I keep waiting for it, but so far, nothing. Maybe gluten was a catalyst to me developing more allergies? I used to put on my ring and feel it immediately "attacking" my skin. Still waiting for cognitive benefits, though. Sigh.
Also, keep hearing about brain training/Cogmed but would love to hear from someone who actually used it. I don't want to jump on the bandwagon just because... I would like a little anecdotal evidence first.
I can't help but think that I'm missing something here with my ADHD. I take meds 3 times a day, take fish oil, have a therapist who understands ADHD, am great at creating new strategies. I keep hearing, reading about pre-diagnosis vs. post-diagnosis success. I don't understand what the pros are talking about. I don't feel like that person who still has ADHD, but doesn't feel like it rules their life. It rules mine. I have been on meds for 11 years. I am not yet where I want to be. I am not as lost as I was before, but I am not leading the life I want. I am a hard worker; always have been, so that is not an issue. This is not simply my perception; I have been told that my entire life. I also have learned how to harness my creativity to solve problems. I simply am overwhelmed everyday and have felt like this basically since I can remember. I feel like every day, I am barely treading water. One big issue for me is anxiety and the other is consistency, and when I'm not consistent, my anxiety increases, which makes it harder for me to concentrate, and well, you can see the cycle that causes. I'm hard on myself when I don't experience the kind of success I want; not the greatest thing for someone who struggles to begin with. My husband understands my ADHD to a point, but thinks that if I just "tried harder," I could be more consistent. ARE YOU F------ SERIOUS???? I bust my ass daily; I just cannot produce the results he can. I work more slowly, unless there is a dopamine surge due to SUPER anxiety or a novel situation, which is incomprehensible to my husband, especially because he doesn't understand that is part of the ADHD issue (hyperfocus and novelty). I think the other part of this is that for the first time ever, as a working mom, my kids' lives are getting more complex and taxing my executive functions more than ever. Sports, homework for my older child, who has ADHD, laundry on the rise, lunches, correcting (I'm a teacher), planning, actually planning a weekly schedule. Friends? Forget it! Don't have time for them anymore. Just dropped the first committee I ever joined, which was actually fulfilling, thus making me feel like even more of a failure...
My husband is more helpful than 99% of husbands out there, even though this is year 3 of a marriage crisis, so that isn't the problem, either. I'm starting to get the feeling that he loves me again, or perhaps he's realized that he still does beneath all his resentment (forgiveness being a weak spot in general, and not just with me), that he's realizing what he will lose. But he's frustrated with me, and I'm frustrated with myself.
Help! What am I MISSING? Why is this process taking so long to get my freakin' ADHD under control??
Thanks for any suggestions,