Does he have ADHD, or is it normal?

I have been with my partner for 3 years. We met when we were 16 and were completely in love, very romantic, had his undivided attention etc. Then we decided to go to the same University, which was a very stressful time for me but he didn't seem stressed at all, despite the amount of work involved - he was just certain that it would work out, and that if it didn't, he'd follow me anywhere.

The plan worked, and after a year of living in student accommodation separately, we decided to rent a house with two other people. In the past year, over a gradual period of time, our relationship has changed significantly. We have always had arguments about silly things because we are both very stubborn, but now they are much more serious and difficult to get through.

Where he used to feel like he could be completely open around me, he now has trouble expressing himself. Where he used to prioritise me above everything, he now juggles me with other commitments. Where he used to be able to have serious discussions with me, he now avoids it as best he can and when they DO happen, he gets completely and inappropriately stressed about them, and incredibly frustrated. He chews his nails, has outbursts, and fidgets like mad. He cannot sit still at the best of times, and hates talking on the phone. He often interrupts people by accident or talks over them, too.

To live with, he is incredibly disorganised. I knew this about him before, but he always said that when he had his own house that this would change - it hasn't. He finds it very hard to make and keep appointments, is very forgetful, and claims to have a completely visual memory - no internal monologue at all. He now cannot cope with stressful situations at all - during the week before a recent exam, he shut himself in his room and did not eat properly or talk to anyone for most of the day, attempting to revise but often being distracted by websites and games (whenever I came in to check he was ok, perhaps 2-3 times a day, this was the case. He said he was taking a break). You basically have to force him to do any chores, and I'm starting to feel like his mother because I have to remind him to do it all the time.

Our most common conflicts are about money, lack of attentiveness and his impulsive nature. He does not appear to think about things before doing them, which was lovely when we weren't so serious, but now is becoming a threat to a secure future together. He hates thinking about money and, despite the fact that he has been looking for part-time work, has never found one. He has career plans and is a very intelligent person, but this intelligence is always vocalised through speech rather than introspection. At school, the only time when he truly excelled was in debates, and when I was his motivation - he had to achieve in order to stay with me at University. Before then he only ever did the bare minimum and was often in trouble. He also only focuses on things that interest him and finds it hard to get on with anything boring, which causes both his Mum and myself to think he is uncaring, lazy/irresponsible and insensitive.

While I have been very negative here, I love him to bits. Still. He really is very sweet and WANTS to do lots of things for us, but they never happen. He is funny, fun to talk to, and loving when he's at his best. But this change makes me think he loves me less, while I still feel the same way.

I used to think this was what happened to all relationships - the honeymoon period was over, etc. I used to think this was just a very specific type of personality. But, looking at letters he sent 5 months into our relationship, the 'hyperfocus' that other people on here talk about seems to fit.

What do people think? Does this sound like ADHD/ADD, or is it just a normal personality type? Am I over thinking this?

Sounds very much like ADHD to

Sounds very much like ADHD to me. Now reread your post and consider whether you want to spend your life being mama to a man who is fun and adorable but is all talk and no action when it comes to responsibility? You have accurately observed his behavior. Don't let the rose colored glasses blind you now.

He sounds like he could have

He sounds like he could have ADHD. Have you approached him about it? Do you think he will get angry? Some indication of this could be does he think he has a problem (or does he know that he causes a problem) and is bothered by it? If so, I would gently approach him, possibly suggest him taking the online test for ADHD. That's how I approached my husband. He thought he was just "weird" or had some personality issue that he couldn't correct, but he understood that he created chaos. It took some time, but now he functions fairly well though he is not consistently on medication. He has learned where he has deficiencies and he seeks to correct them. This is the sign that your relationship with him is not doomed. If he is angry or defensive about the suggestion or he doesn't take it seriously, then you may want to put more thought into this.

Now, I'm going to say something that might not be too popular. But I assuming that you guys are 19 or 20? In college? Hon, you're both still babies. Have fun and see life before committing to a "serious" relationship. No that doesn't mean that you have to go bang every guy on the block or attend every kegger off campus, but expand your horizons and give yourselves a break. You are both stressed by school without adding the "serious" relationship tag on yourselves. Enjoy school and enjoy dating. Graduate, get jobs, and then talk serious relationships.

Good luck.