I am really just ranting as this is a rhetorical question, but my goodness, why does ALL the work have to be mine? My ADHD husband is unemployed. His days are filled with nothing and anything he wants, typically staring at a computer screen. I continue to work, parent and run the household.
Our oven just broke and we need a new one. I had to do all the work for the shopping and now that we have chosen one, he also doesn't want to set up the installation. I don't even know what I am talking about with the gas hookup and the electrical, but if I don't do the legwork with the contractors, we'll have a brand new uninstalled stove sitting in our kitchen forever. I am just so frustrated. I think it is because jobs like these are not at all in my comfort zone and I know he would be much better suited to speak to these installers. Did I figure it all out? Yes. And I'm proud of that and realize that if I were on my own, I would have do these types of things. But I'm not on my own. Can he just never step in, even when I express calmly that I need him and I would like him to do so? No, he can't. Won't. We are also repainting the exterior of our home. Despite this being another job not at all in my wheelhouse, I got all the quotes, met with all the contractors and made all the decisions. I asked him to step outside to give me an opinion on colour one day and he blew... that was asking too much. I couldn't even believe it. While I know what I'm dealing with and can keep my reactions in check for the most part these days, I threw down the samples and went on a long walk when he couldn't even give me a few minutes of his precious online time to have an opinion on the colour of our family home. I was struggling to choose a colour myself so my sister-in-law drove 2 hours round trip to help give me a second opinion. She even stopped at some paint stores to get some extra shades for me to consider beyond what the consultant from the painting company had recommended. I have been living with someone who is willing to do so little for me that I can't even believe it when someone does something extra for me like she did. I am now in a place where the smallest generosity from others moves me to tears (holding a door, lifting something heavy into my car). That's sad. How, how, HOW can some individuals with ADHD not see their off-the-charts levels of selfishness and self-absorption? As much as I understand about ADHD, I will never understand. And he is so pleased with himself. He fancies himself so smart and capable and accomplished.
I am always low-level frustrated about the household imbalance, his indifference towards me and ADHD symptoms, etc. But sometimes it gets to me and I just want to blow. This is one of those times.
Thanks to all the understanding people on this forum who always listen. It is comforting to have a place to vent..