Hi, I posted this a while ago on another Forum when things were particularly bad... We are getting back there again. I would like some opinions on whether the community think my wife has ADHD? She is a teacher and is starting to think she has ADHD. I also think a lot of her behaviours fit.
I have been with my now wife for 11 years. (Married for 5) She moved in 8 years ago when her shower stopped working. I renovated her place and she sold it. I am very patient, but as the saying goes "Beware the fury of the patient man... "
Some years ago we almost split because of her anxiety apparently causing her to be lax with chores and I mean I came back from working overseas to find piles of clothes and rubbish everywhere. She's always had an excuse. Some perfectly valid at a point in time. I really wasn't sure but her mother was terminally ill and I thought I might regret it so I popped the question whilst having all of these unresolved issues.
5 years on we have a 3 year old son who I spend most time with because she's always got a migraine or feels sick or has worse period pain than any other woman has ever experienced. She has pulled away from her friends it would seem to me because she genuinely doesn't care about other people. Her family are competing to see who has the worst mental health. Her Dad is constantly putting us down when I am out of ear shot, her brother is a recluse and her sister has a superiority complex. I'll quite often take my son places but my wife won't take him anywhere without me. She talks about the possibility of having a second child, all the while I'm thinking she spends no time with the first and I sure as hell didn't sign up for being a lone parent as it seems I am most of the time. The thought of a second child fills me with dread, as does a lot of tasks as I know i'll get no help or I have to spend soo much time tidying before I can start.
I work from home and get my son up in the morning, fed and dressed ready for her dropping him at day care on her way to work. I pay all the bills and have to chase her to pay half of home improvements etc. and she isn't short of cash. She has a 6 figure sum from inheritance etc. Even the things you would expect a woman to have some interest in, like having some thoughts about decor I have been left to do and pay for.
She comes home, insults my cooking and then just watches Netflix or works and doesn't do any chores unless I shout at her. She does wash her own work clothes and some of my son's stuff whilst I am out with him on a Sunday.
Every major argument has been about her apathy towards everything and nothing ever changes or if it does it's for the shortest of time and then back to me resenting her for the way she treats the house that I have tried so hard to make our home.
Despite all of this we still have our moments.
My feeling at the moment is that I can't live like this for much longer. I have tried every approach from subtle hints, doing things for her. I once lost it after soooo many hints and her insulting retort, I slammed a door so hard that the glass in it smashed. I have been to the point of leaving the house to walk in front of the express train. I don't want to do this as I love my son, but didn't sign up for this and I genuinely think she would be more upset if the internet went off.
Will she ever get it together? Or do I need a way out?