My husband was diagnosed with ADHD about 7 months ago. He was only diagnosed because I screamed at him to get tested. Three different therapists over the last 10 years have stated they think he has ADHD but he never did anything.
All the same symptoms. He is textbook inattentive. I'm lonely. No help or at least consistency with pretty much anything but his job. And his job he hyper-focuses so that pretty much leaves no room for anyone but him. He is so self-centered that I just want to slap his face. (I will not and never have but the urge IS there.)
I see on his face that he feels bad. I "guess" he works on his ADHD but usually only AFTER a confrontation or disappointment and it never lasts long.
I believe my daughter TOO has ADHD but she has yet to be tested. She is 7 and I have a 3 year old boy.
My question is this: what does staying in this type of marriage communicate to my daughter??
I feel by staying that I am allowing this person to treat me as a second class citizen where my needs and wants are only important AFTER he gets his shit together. If ever! That its OK to be lonely in a marriage. That its OK to never have the support I need. That its OK that my husband never plans ANYTHING for us to do: date, vacation or otherwise. That its OK that I work, take care of the home, and kids and finances and everything else and he just has to have a job. That is OK for your spouse to commit to helping with tasks but never completes them.
I can do all the reading about ADHD I want. I am a professional organizer so I can maintain structure FOR DAYS!!! But what I CANNOT DO is make myself a priority to my husband.
Why would I want to stay if THIS is what I am communicating to my daughter in regards to a marriage? I feel strongly that I need to get out for ME!!! but also so my daughter does not accept this type of behavior for herself.
Does anyone else feel this way?