Submitted by PoisonIvy on 01/05/2019.
I'm divorced. Ex apparently hasn't changed his address yet, even though the divorce was finalized in May 2016 and he had already been living with his parents nearly full time for three years by then. Yesterday, for the third time, mail arrived from the state department of revenue. It was clear from the envelope that ex hasn't been paying his state income taxes. It's not for lack of money. I think he doesn't pay taxes for a combination of reasons: partly from the ADHD and partly because he thinks he's poor (he's not) and is happy to cheat people out of money when he can easily do so.
How is your partner or ex with money?
Yes he's a financial cheat
Submitted by vabeachgal on
PI:
I don't know why my ex H is a financial cheat, but he was and still is.
"You don't have to file taxes if you don't owe money" said someone somewhere. I have yet to meet this person. My response was, yes you do and YOU DO!!!
Two years ago I asked my then H to change his withholding status to reflect that Thing 1 (oldest child) had graduated from college and was no longer a dependent. He "got the form from HR" but never adjusted. He didn't want to because it would mean less money each paycheck. I personally adjusted to reflect the change and withheld more money from my paycheck. I was left with no good choices. This is not an unfamiliar scenario. Choices? Ignore it? Compensate? Both choices suck.
Year 2: divorce pending.
PI, I will make a personal bet to you that he has not and probably will not complete the following actions:
1. file taxes at all
2. change his withholdings to reflect divorced. The children are from a previous marriage. He cannot claim a marital deduction or either child at this point.
Yes, I still get his tax correspondence. I also received a letter from our state dept of taxation before Xmas.
Further example.... he paid all of his credit cards and skipped the mortgage payment (his responsibility) without consulting me. I literally dug through the trash bin to find a express mail letter from our mortgage company. Not my finest moment because it was on the very bottom of the trash can. I still shudder thinking about it. He hid and lied to me about the correspondence. He told me that he paid extra on the mortgage and "they didn't know what to do with the money". He paid extra on HIS credit cards so he could continue to use them but paid no attention to the fact that 1. the delinquency would be reflected on my credit report also and 2. we actually needed a roof over our heads and 3. it caused us to be unable to take advantage of an easy and much needed refi opportunity.
I'm still on this board because I'm still sifting through everything. ADHD or lack of moral compass? Just plain effin' stupidity???? as in kinda retarded???? And why did I EVER think any of this was okay?
He lied about debt. He hid debt. He hid purchases. He used weird "props" to hide purchases. There's a post in here somewhere about that. He made important financial decisions without me.
I think what resonates with me is that it was all without me. As if I did not exist in his world and that nothing he ever did affected me.
I think this forum is full of examples where spouses did not take care of responsibilities and lied and were financially irresponsible.
Out. Of. Control.
Submitted by CaliforniaGirl on
My ex made a decent living when I met him but he had absolutely wild spending habits. He would regularly drop hundreds or even thousands on luxury clothing, electronics, vacations, dining out, gadgets, gifts and more. He also didn't bother to file expense reports for his job, and he would regularly rush to the bank, on the day of, in order to pay his mortgage before it closed. He wasn't giving any consideration to things that should take priority.. like home repair or retirement. At the time I was giving it all the side-eye but I didn't really know what to make of it. He had a justification for everything.
About halfway in to our relationship I found out he had a long history of bad credit, collectors calling the house all day long about god knows what, and that he hadn't filed his taxes for about four years. That was about the amount of time that had passed since his wife had moved out. I'm guessing she kept things afloat and when she wasn't around anymore that was the end of that. He also had very little savings and there was never any attempt at a budget.
He was so cavalier about the whole thing it was astonishing. That's when I knew something was really wrong. He declared that "no one would come after him" if he just didn't pick up the phone and that it was no big deal. --- Edited to add that this part is where I could never figure out if he was just being avoidant or if he got a power/control kick out of thinking he was somehow getting away with something. Maybe both. It was a pattern in other areas too. If I tried to steer him away from buying something he would wave his hand and scoff at me and say that it was "only money". He would insist that it was all fine and that I was overreacting. If I pressed the issue, he would blow up.
After much yelling, crying and threatening to leave him he managed to file one year of back taxes and set up a payment plan with the IRS. By the time he actually completed that year, though, even more time had passed so the backlog was worse. It was a disaster.
I cannot even imagine what it is like now. I'd be surprised if he ever got caught up on the other outstanding years or if has bothered to file anything since. Plus, he was out of a job for quite some time after we split up so who knows if he even stuck to his payment plan or anything else. I doubt it. From what I have been told he is too busy running around with his new girlfriend, while he is still legally married. Thankfully not to me.
'Out of Control' implies he was in control previously.
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
'Out of Control' implies he was in control previously. I doubt this is true. 'Not controlled' or 'Never controlled' are probably closer to reality. (Or maybe a non-ADHD conception of 'in control' just does not apply to his ADHD reality.)
LOL, yes that's probably more accurate.
Submitted by CaliforniaGirl on
He had me pretty snowed when we met because of course, everything was someone else's fault. We all know that song and dance.
I'm guessing that if there ever was any control it was the result of his wife attempting to get a handle on things. But based on the state of his world when I met him, that was not successful.
Finances...
Submitted by c ur self on
I will just say this, we manage our finances with such different convictions, we could never share accounts....
c