2014 was the year of his secret bank account (since closed when discovered). The year he asked me to get a form notarized so he could take some $ out of his work IRA to pay kid's tuition--and seemed astounded when I found and read the missing pages of the document and realized I'd be signing off all rights to my share of his pension (and I didn't sign that paper). This is the year he wanted to show me a picture of our kid on his phone--but instead showed me a pictured he'd secretly taken of our check book, bc our tax preparer had suggested I transfer some $ into my IRA (first time since I married him!) bc it would lessen out 2013 tax bill--all of which had been explained to him, of course, but he didn't remember, so he took a picture of the check I wrote to my IRA, for no reason he could articulate!. My "evil motivation in all this" (ie in following our CPA's advice) was to hold on to as much cash as possible for our two leaning disabled kids, in a world where money passes through their father's hands like water.
Now I am up to my eyebrows in forensic accounting, because he left me with all the statements from his now-closed secret account, and I'm trying to figure out what got deposited from where (he works freelance! oy!) to pay which tax-deductible bill. And he's a septogenarian hypochondriac (all that attention!), so just piecing together the medical bills is a job and a half. And the man can't even do the addition and subtraction of a checkbook--so I've had this all on me for the last decade or so. But he can open secret accounts, and then not seem to understand anything about them! And then out his own secret, by handing me medical receipts he paid from that secret account. (Apologies if this makes no sense, it barely makes sense to me, my brain is melting...)
So I have chest pains...and he's off out of state visiting his sister...and I'm writing this to shame myself into admitting I can't go on...Admit it before the constant work of mothering these kids and suing the Board of Ed every year on my son's behalf...and being the forensic accountant....and facing how little I'm earning part-time...and feeling too crazy myself to try to deal with divorce lawyers... makes me put ending this marriage off again, for another year, hating myself for hoping he'll die...
I feel in my bones that my only hope is to find a divorce lawyer who specializes in these ADHD-related catastrophes--because anyone else will see me as a quivering incoherent mess. Others have posted here about how, after holding on past all endurance, we "non" spouses look crazed. My ADHD spouse--happy as a clam when he faces the world, accomplished and jovial and seemingly carefree. (Only I get the full picture...)