I was reading an article on Yahoo Health, with quotes from Melissa Orlov. I have read this information before, heard this before, and in my experience have been trying to align it with my marriage.
"One of the most common patterns in an ADHD relationship is that one partner does a disproportionate amount of work in the household, because it’s equally difficult for people with the disorder to initiate tasks and to complete them. One partner is always nagging; the other is always defensive.'
Definitely saw this happen. Living in the house, which is both our living space and the place of the construction business, and raising 2 children, I was usually striving to get some sort of semblance of a schedule or routine. I could come up with plenty of plans and routines - as long as I also was the one to try to enforce them. This included work related schedules, marriage schedules, school schedules, chore schedules, . . . . . . .and it did not work. Exactly as she said:
“Household chores and childcare are typically unstructured, and creating a structure to do something in is typically not an ADHD strong point,” Orlov explains.
What I am struggling to sort out in my brains is this : In addition, Orlov often spots what she calls the “parent-child” dynamic, ***********where the non-ADHD partner is in a dominant role over the ADHD spouse. ************* “That’s an unhealthy dynamic for the relationship,” she says. Adding to this problem is the easily distracted nature of the ADHD spouse, which can be misinterpreted as a lack of romantic interest.
I easily see how I filled the mother role, doing all the household chores that were left undone, take care of my spouse - buying clothes, washing clothes, buying shoes when his wore out, buying socks and underwear when his were full of holes, mending his clothes, buying coats, toiletries, etc., etc., paying the bills, taking care of the finances, etc.
This is the sentence I am chomping at the bit to understand: ***********where the non-ADHD partner is in a dominant role over the ADHD spouse. ************* How was I the dominant one when I felt very passive, changed all my ideals and wants and dreams and did what he wanted when he wanted so he would not be angry? And I always assumed guilt - that issues were my fault, and if I could just get it right, our marriage would thrive.
Wondering how that applies,