So I'm new to the site and have been reading many posts and decided I'd finally join and post my story. My fiance and I have been together for 5 1/2 years. We have to beautiful children, a girl who's 3 and a boy who's 1. my DF was recently diagnosed with ADD after I did some research and spoke to him about it. He's very eager and excited about the possibility of him feeling somewhat "normal" for the first time in his life. He's always said he feels he's just wired differently.
Anyway, our relationship started out great just like most others on this site. In the beginning, we felt this strong connection and he treated me like no one had ever treated me before. We moved in together and then moved two hours away to another state for a new job he had been offered. A few months later I became pregnant of my daughter and from then on it's basically been a roller coaster. When we moved initially I didn't have a job yet so I spent my days cleaning and keeping up with the home, the house was basically spotless. He loved that because he was raised with a very very clean almost OCD mother and sister and was in the military. Once I started working, I was working 10-12 hour days and came home to make dinner and do dishes. We traveled back to see our family almost every weekend so I had very little time to clean as much as he wanted me to. The fights about the cleanliness were a constant, but he never offered to help. He would leave to our hometown and would leave me at the apartment without a car to get anywhere and sometimes with barely any food in the fridge, until he decided to get back, until HE was over being mad. During my pregnancy I got sick with the flu and was basically in bed, he left me once again for a couple of days. When i felt better we got into a huge fight about it and he hit me because i told him that he wasn't taking care of me or our unborn child. Then he told me that he hit me because i deserved it. I left, and after him apologizing and begging and telling me that he would do whatever he needed to control his temper and rage I came back.
Things got better for a little while but the fights kept coming up about every little thing, my hair in the drain, a dirty spot on the floor, basically anything that he could nitpick about. He called me names and cursed at me almost every time we fought. I got pregnant with my son and that pregnancy was basically hell as well. He's never hit me again but the verbal abuse has never stopped. I've told him time and time again that I will not tolerate the abusive behavior and it hasn't made a difference. He denies that he is abusive and says that he thinks it is OK to call someone a name if he believes that it is what they are, or how they're acting at the moment. He says that i'm not accountable for the things that I do and that he does all of these things because of me. I once asked him if he would want a man to treat our daughter the way he treats me and he told me that, that would not happen to our daughter because he will make sure that she does not turn out to be like me.
He is HORRIBLE with handling money. I taught myself to make cakes when my daughter was born and have become a successful cake decorator. I literally bust my butt making cakes while staying home with two children and doing all of the chores and handling our bills and finances so that I can always have that little extra cash at hand for when he decides to make bad decisions with his money. I love what I do but it gets very difficult to do the detailed work that I do while maintaining our home and taking care of our children 24/7 with no help from him or family. He travels a whole lot for his job so I think that has actually helped. I actually look forward to his trips because it is when I feel most at peace. One of our recent fights was about me leaving a couple of pants on my desk chair and the chair was a little dirty since my son had put some yogurt on it. He basically called me a pig and a slob and said that my lack of hygiene is destroying are relationship. I told him that since i cook, clean, do dishes, laundry etc etc. why couldn't he just clean the chair if it bothered him, he said why should he, he's the one working. So yesterday, in the middle of yet another fight, I told him that I feel that his ADD, which has been diagnosed, and he's being treated for, is the cause of most of our problems..he blew a gasket and told me that it was the most hurtful thing I've ever said and to go F---- myself and that it was over.
He is a great father, he really is and I'd love to keep my family together I just know that I can't tolerate the abuse for myself or for my kids and can't help but feeling that maybe this is what I needed because I might not have had the strength to end this myself. ...thank u for reading