Dont know what to do.

Let me just start out by saying I don't even know if I fit into this site. I as a child was diagnosised with ADD and dyslexia. I did well as a threw High School and collage. Things fell apart fast Post Cancer. Its bad. I cant think, I cant remember anything, my mind is in constant fog. List, tasks, events, faces all but disappear in to haze. My wife and I are close to the end. I now suffer from extreme anger issues and frustration. I say incredibly hurt full things that I don't mean but uncontrollably come out when we fight. I Don't know what related to what. My wife tells me I make no cents I cant communicate. Yet I hear it just find. I tried going back to my old doc. But he no longer takes insurance and magically knows no one else in the field who can help. I cant control my anger, my thoughts, my mind. Depression is starting to set in. The oncologist don't care. As long as the cancer stays away there happy. Everything else is collaterally damage to them. I have regressed so much I can't even take it. I dont even know where to begin. I went to school for chemistry, physics and bio. yet now I cant remember anything. 

The fights with the wife are the worst. I cant let things go. All the wounds feel fresh all the time. I go from 0 too 10 in a flash. I dont know if its related or a separate issue. But I thought I would throw it out there.

mike

 

to firecracker

This place is not a round hole, and you are not a square peg my friend.  There is room for you to fit.  I have found the people here to be excepting.  Everyone has a different history, a different set of problems, and a different path to their future.  Here, there are many experiences good and bad shared and discovered.

I am sorry to hear about your situation.  I can imagine there are many things that systemically could be causing your symptoms and situation.  ADD or not, from what you write, it apers you are in quite a difficult spot.   Please don't loose hope on getting help.  Try a simple internet (google) search for a psychologist in your area.  sometimes they are not always close (I drive an hour one way to see mine), but It's worth it.  Try a Therapist first.  an LMFT or LCSW for example.  Many of them take insurance.  Don't be afraid to have a conversation with them over the phone.  Ask them if they are familiar with things that you deal with.  Like ADD and learning disabilities, Anger issues, Communication, and couples therapy.  Ask them what their experience is.  If after you talk or meet them for the first time and you don't feel comfortable with them, don't be afraid to find someone else.  There are good therapists, and not so good ones, and sometimes others fit better with your needs.

Be strong, and good luck!