Dont think I can do it anymore

I havent been on here in a while but I think I am going to have to get out of this relationship.  My hurts are told to him again and again about every 3 months (because i am not seeing change) , and last night it all came out AGAIN.  I explained to him that the three things are 1. Lack of intimacy 2. He is not meeting his commitments for debt 3. he has not kept promises to me.

These three things by themselves would not be so bad but when they are all together concurrently, it is a big alarm bell for me and I am sad, hurt and scared. 

I told him the lack of intimacy is really hurting me.  We have a non sexual relationship now, and he told me last night he doesnt know why.   I calmly told him that most relationships just dont last if there is not that intimacy, and that I was not a young woman anymore, and felt like I was wasting my life and felt like i have put myself in a vulnerable situation that I do not see a future of.   I told him that he has not met the commitments to me, and that really hurts, as I have tried to be patient, and feel like I have no stability here anymore.  I am worried about work, not taking opportunities that are away from 'home' (which I moved to so that him and I could be together) and wondering why I am banging my head against the wall.

 

I have been crying all day because I dont know what to do, I am in so much pain, feel so vulnerable and sad, and he cant figure out why I am not outside 'playing' in the yard with him as he hyper focuses on something else.

I just dont know what else to do. And I cant talk to anyone about it because I dont have anyone I can trust about it.  I feel like I am going crazy here and I just dont know what else I should or can do.

Roller Coaster

Hello.  Good job making your needs clear.  It's very hard to have to ask for these things.  Especially when it doesn't seem to drive change.  Given that this has been going on a long time, and he hasn't been able to be consistent in meeting your needs leaving does seem reasonable.  I know you don't want to hurt him, but really it is he that has hurt himself by driving away a loving and compassionate woman.  It seems you have made clear your requirements and he can not meet them.  My doc asked me one day, what if his behavior never changes?  Is that ok?  I think that's what you need to do here, because the chances of him making permanent changes seem really low.  If it's not ok, there's your answer.  Also dream about what you want your life to be like.  Is that consistent with the reality of your man?  If not, try to find the path that gets you to your future.  He will survive without you.  ADHD people almost always land on their feet.  And you can survive, and thrive, without him.

Professionals are good to talk to.  Friends and family are difficult because they know the guy and you so have preconceived notions.  Good luck.