Where to begin...
My husband and I are in our late 20's, we've been married 10 months. In 9 weeks I'll be giving birth to our child (my first, his second). When I first met him, he treated me like a princess. He was close to obsessed about me. Hell, he moved from California to New York to be with me - something I thought meant he was simply desperately in love, passionate and serious. Looking back, I'm wondering if that was a clear case of hyperfocus. I am just learning these phrases - it wasn't until recently I began to question if my husband has ADHD. He has a mountain of debt that I'm just learning about in recent months, he makes frivolous purchases and spends money without even consulting me (even though he asked that I manage our budget since he's "bad with money"). Most of his debt is due to neglect or procrastination and we're talking about debt that totals around $100K. Recently we found out that a major debt from a past apartment would keep us from getting a place of our own.
We moved home to California since getting pregnant. We stayed with my mother at first because she has an extra room. But our constant bickering lead us to split. He went to live with his family at his grandmother's house. Our relationship consists of me reminding him to do things, reminding him of conversations he swears we never had, him pushing responsibility, proactiveness and following up to the back of his to-do list. If he's not at work or asleep he's got his head deeply focused on some other task. Sometimes it's writing music - and he'll stay up on "binges" for even as long as 12 hours. Or he'll design logos that I've never seen him use for anything - taking hours, days - sometimes weeks to design them and then moving on to something else. He has to constantly have his headphones on and be entertained in some way or he'll fall asleep. If he doesn't get daily reminders of things (which I've stopped doing lately) he will completely forget about them. I've asked him to utilize his calendar, post-its, even bough him a few planners...but nothing seems to motivate him to stay on top of things. He'll forget about things he did days before I ask about them. Important things like filing unemployment papers or transferring money from one of our accounts to another. Even though we are struggling to save to buy a car, he still found it necessary to buy a $250 tattoo (without talking to me about it first). He did this to prove that he could do what he wanted (his words) because me staying on top of him also happens to offend him greatly. Meanwhile he has a child support case that costs him/us a whopping $1300 a month because he hasn't had the case re-evaluated and hasn't gone to see his son in something like 7 years. I've connected him with people who can help, he dedicated time and effort into talking to them and using their resources and then right before filing the papers - he stalls. It's been over a month and he hasn't budged. I stopped asking. He doesn't realize that we can't live off of his salary being garnished so heavily. He has no concept of cost, bills or how to budget.
In the process of my pregnancy I've witnessed him being totally inconsiderate of me. When I got an upper respiratory infection when I was about 11 weeks along, I asked him to help me get a thermometer because I was totally burning up and couldn't move from the bed. He was annoyed by my request and made it way more difficult than it needed to be - not showing the slightest concern. Later when my doctor told me to go to the ER and I told him we needed to go now he responded by hardly looking up from his laptop and saying, "OK" as if I was once again bothering him. The entire night at the ER he sat playing a game on his phone. I had to ask for water and a blanket which he also did as though I was bothering him. I felt like crap, and it set our relationship on a downward spiral since.
I guess, I'm at a loss. I wanted a partner in life, someone I could depend on and instead I feel like I have a teenage son. Simple things have to be explained and re-explained to him and there's still no guarantee that he will remember or get it. He consistently goes back on his word. He contradicts himself all the time, leaving me to realize he's in the habit of telling little white lies. I have so much resentment towards him that I find myself being mean at times, cold, unreactive, annoyed. I often don't even want to be touched by him. It's a terrible way to feel about your husband. I feel betrayed because I walked into this blind. Thinking he was the man who loved me so fiercely that he would never hurt me. That person I fell in love with might have been an actual symptom of a disease. I'm not 100% sure he has ADHD, but everything I read about it sounds like him to a T. I don't know what to do...considering ending it. I just want some relief. I can't deal with the constant stress of all of this. It's made my pregnancy more difficult than necessary and I can only imagine how the rest of my life would play out.