Drained mom of ADD son and husband

I just discovered this forum after reading the book. After struggling for 20+ yrs in marriage and raising my son with ADD, I'm really really worn out!  Many days I just want to run away and start over. Things came to a head last fall when my husband forgot our anniversary.  In counseling, a lot of attention has been on my tendency to feel lonely and insecure, as a result of childhood experiences, but I have had this nagging feeling like we weren't getting at the real issues.  My therapist recommended this book to me, and OMG, this is my life!  It described my experience in my marriage so well.  My husband has many wonderful qualities, but he really lacks follow-through and forgets a lot.  Over the years he has improved his ability to pay attention to me when we are talking, but it waxes and wanes. He doesn't have a formal ADD diagnosis, but I;m hoping he will seek one out in the near future. 

I am the mother of 3 kids.  My teenage son has ADD and is taking medication for it.  He's really struggling emotionally and academically though, so we are thinking of changing that up and I'd love to see him embrace more strategies to help him stay organized, but he is always very resistant .  My daughter has a lot of anxiety and is newly diagnosed with OCD.  Thankfully, my 3rd child is much easier to parent.  I've got a lot on my plate. 

One thing I'm struggling with right now, and perhaps amplified after reading the book, is that I don't like myself right now and especially don't like the role I play in this family.  I feel like I'm always the stick in the mud, trying to keep it all together and everyone on track.  I am very worried for my son and daughter's future and have been trying so hard for years to help them and my efforts feel unappreciated and in vain. It is lonely being the worried parent while my husband says "it will all be fine".  Some days I really just want to give up and run away.  My husband has a more relaxed attitude, which means the kids respond better to him.  My daughter is literally pulling her hair out now, and my son was considering suicide, so I don't think this is the sort of thing that we can put off and ignore. I'm so tired of being the parent who does all the worrying, scheduling and planning. I realize now that I am angry and I am resentful.  Even when he is helping (at my direction), I feel resentful that I have to direct him, or I feel like I shouldn't have to be grateful because he should be doing it anyway.  I guess I am also resentful that he needs the ego stroking for doing what he should be doing anyhow and wouldn't be doing if I hadn't reminded him or alerted him to do it. I'm always resentful of the kids who are not trying to improve their situation and push away my attempts to help them. This really feels like a no win situation for me. I want to have my own life (think about me for a change and go back to work), but I worry that my family will fall apart if I let go of the reins.