Dual ADHD Couple with ADHD Children and Unemployment/Money Issues during COVID

I just discovered this site today after looking for books that my wife and I can read together to acknowledge and work on our relationship issues that have become really bad with during COVID as we face money problems due to unemployment, the stress of a parenting an ADHD diagnosed 8 year old and a very active and attached toddler, and caring for my wife's mother who has a very advanced cancer diagnosis. We are coming up on 10 years of marriage and 13 years together. We're at a point where the combined stress of all these factors and the ADHD (and comorbidities like depression, anxiety, anger) are at a point where our resentment towards each other is becoming harder to hide from the kids and I fear that our marriage may not make it through this time. We struggle and fight about home organization and mess more than anything else mainly because it causes me so much stress (as the more organized ADHD partner bearing the majority of the work and responsibility) that it has taken over the majority of family interactions. I wrote a much longer post that turned into a detailed and cathartic outpouring of everything we're dealing with but decided to cut it back to this high level description since I'm not sure what the etiquette of conversations on this forum are yet.