Well, another Sunday, another morning cussing and screaming at me over something stupid.
This time: he says he's going to rototill the entire back yard for a path. It's April in Oregon. It's muddy, it's nowhere near time to do anything especially as we have non-stop rain for at least another 3-4 weeks, plus, if you're going to rototill anything it's going to grow back in like 5 minutes unless you have the means to immediately do what needs to be done for a path. I say this, and I got cussed out for a solid 5 minutes about how I'm trying to control everything, that anyone else would jump for joy that their husband is going to do this stuff, etc. I didn't yell back, I just quietly stated that while I appreciate what he's thinking about the fact is that we would simply have to do the work over again later.
He continued to yell at me, and I continued to quietly just stand there, finally I interrupted him and said "You can't cuss at me or yell at me. This is the last time you will ever yell at me or cuss me out. I am done. I want to separate."
We later talked more about it and I told him that while I am more than happy to entertain the thought of him changing his behavior for the better, that I am also not holding my breath. I have done everything I can to support him, and his continuing inability to recognize his own behavior as inappropriate, to take steps to change how he deals with things, his horrible anger issues, just EVERYTHING...I'm done. I can't allow other people to treat me like this.I can't look forward to the next 45+ years I'm on this earth God willing to deal with all of his issues.
As per usual his usual tack during this quiet heart to heart was just to zone out. I asked him if he anything to say and he says like he always does "I don't know." I told him that I want to be as civil as possible, that I definitely don't think it's all him that's at fault, that I'm taking responsibility for my part in all of this.
This is going to be a long process - it's not going to be overnight. We've been married for a long time and he is not able to support himself. I told him that over the next 18 months (!!!!!!) he needs to move towards making himself more independent. Part of that will be me getting him on disability. He works 2-3 days a week at a comic book store (he gets most of his pay in trade), so he will need to figure something out.
I am sad but at the same time I'm hopeful that I can get my life back one day. I've sunk so much time and energy into "fixing" this man, and we all know how fruitful that can be. :)