Emotional Manipulation

Wow!   I just Googled "emotional manipulation".  LOTS to find about this.  

Other than also having ADD, this is what my H is:  An emotional manipulator. 

Does your partner diminish your feelings? Emotional manipulators are only concerned about their own needs and wants. If you try to have open and honest conversation about moments when you feel hurt or invalidated, you will be shut down with claims that you are being silly or overeating. ..... 'their calm demeanor and your heightened emotion or sensitivity may trick you into doubting yourself'. ....'You start wondering [whether] maybe they're right,...'An emotional manipulator will never apologize; instead, they will blame you and make you start to doubt your emotions. If you find yourself constantly asking yourself if you are overreacting or being too sensitive, it is time to move on. 

Emotional manipulators turn your statements around and make you the problem.

They’ll say one thing and later assure you that they didn’t say it.

The manipulator will offer to help you, but then not follow through. It is either too hard or they forgot.

The manipulating person will set a negative emotional tone in a group and others feel compelled to make the manipulator feel better just to ease the tension.

Manipulators project blame onto other people or circumstances.

They may use active techniques like becoming angry, lying, intimidating, shouting, name-calling or other bullying tactics. Or they may use more passive methods like pouting, sulking, ignoring you, playing the victim, or giving you the silent treatment.

They don’t really feel guilty when they do something harmful, lie, show superficial charm, tend to be impulsive, and don’t take responsibility for their own actions.

This is a learning day for me.  Now to find the way for myself in this life that I have lived my married life as the target of an emotional manipulator. I had been trying to love and understand him.