Empathy, remorse, and real apologies

Dumb though it may seem, I'd like a non-ADHD partner's view on what comes to mind when you think of these three things. I've been told multiple times that this is how my wife wants me to put the brakes on a runaway argument. Between nursing my own hurts, panicking, and overthinking, I fear that I've lost the ability to truly look into and speak from my heart. Big, meaningful, long-term changes to my ADHD behaviors is the big-picture answer... but that doesn't help in the split-second decisions of a heated argument.

I could write tons more about the things I have done, said, and tried, but suffice it to say that we're way past a simple "I'm sorry", "I promise", or buying a surprise pair of earrings. If I try to move in for a hug, that's only I'm pretending she wants one as much as me. We've truly come to a place where our marriage is hanging by a thread.

Taking any and all thoughts, no matter how small.