I am new to the website and have yet to find a posting about this issue. First some background. My husband and I have been together 17 years and he was not diagnosed with ADHD until about 4 years ago. Long before he was diagnosed I began to compensate for his behavior. I did everything that needed to be done in the house and for him. On bad days when he didn't want to get out of bed I made that ok too, all the while thinking I was doing the right thing. He never asked for these things but I really thought that by making his life easy it would cause the overwhelming days to happen less. Problem is, what I did was make him have less reason to get up, less reason to want to get going...Yes he works but for himself and his work is very forgiving so when bad days or sometimes weeks happen there was still not any real consequence, for lack of a better word.
When he finally went to the doctor I thought all our problems would be solved when he was placed on Adderral. The doctor actually said he had never seen such a horrible case of ADHD in an adult and was unsure how he has functioned up until that time. Problem is he doesn't take his medication as prescribed. His reasoning is he doesn't always need it or some days it is just to hard to even take it because he feels so over whelmed. This leads to me getting mad because life is so much more pleasant when he can actually participate in it. I and his doctor have tried to explain to him that he has a medical condition much like diabetes or high blood pressure and that the medicine is a necessity not an option.
Anyway I've decided that I have to stop being an enabler and help him be motivated to be the awesome and accomplished person I know he can be. But how do I do that? I tend to lose my temper (I know it's wrong) when I want him to just snap out of it and try to get some things done and he can't seem to do it. I've tried lists, small goals and positive reinforcement but honestly none of it has worked.
I just ordered the book but I'm just curious if anyone has advice on how to stop being an enabler and start being a helpmate.