Enabling vs. Saving my sanity

From what I am reading, if my ADHD spouse leaves chores undone and I pick up the slack, I'm enabling.  

In reality, if the chores aren't done, then I go crazy living in a cluttered, dirty house.  I need to wake up to an empty sink, clean clothes put away, toys picked up, etc, or I feel like I am behind the 8-ball before I even get dressed.

Which is the lesser of the two evils?

I'm reading Melissa's book and reading the posts here and this one has me scratching my head.