Somebody, anybody, please help me!!!!!!!!!!
I honestly feel at this point that there is nothing else I can do for my husband. Things between us were getting so much better, he wasn't on the computer as much, he wasn't making dumb decisions with money, he was actually spending time with me and our new baby. But just a couple days ago, he completely flipped the switch. When I mean things were getting so much better, I meant that he still had his ADD moments, but not as bad because we worked through it. This time, its really bad. I mean I feel like we are back to the very bottom, when this all first started. Is this normal????
I am so sad right now. He is spending so much more time on the computer, talking and chatting. He is starting to make poor decisions again at home and with money. We are in so much debt and he knows that. But he tells me and has been telling me that he is an adult and that if he wants to buy something or do something then that is his decision to make. He tells me constantly that I am trying to run his life and be his mom. FYI---I don't want to be his mother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When I want to talk, he pushes me away and he tells me to get out of his face and leave him alone. He never answers his phone when I call him, and when he does that, he is usually up to no good. The coworkers he works with are 5-6 years younger than him and are bad influences. I have no idea what to do and I know I am not making any sense right now but I am just so frustrated.
I have been trying so hard to be patient with him and talk to him and approach him nicely. I haven't blew up in his face like I normally would do before I knew of his ADHD. I mean, we both sat down together and made a schedule for computer time and some chores for him to do and now he just "doesn't feel like it". He also promised me that he would get help and he hasn't gotten help yet. I am starting to think that he doesn't want to be helped. And he is now telling me that I don't understand his ADD and if I did, then I would just let him be in his "mode". Well, how long is that mode supposed to last????? I need help. Even though I am really upset with him right now, I still cooked him breakfast without an attitude, and helped him cut his hair before he left for work. He usually comes home for lunch, but this time he did not.
We are in major debt, and he came to me with the plan of making a website for a server or something like that. I supported him on that. It costs about 50.00 a month. So I made an agreement that if he wanted to spend his money on that, I support him, but then that means that he can no longer buy things (snacks, lunch, cigarettes) during work and that he'd have to bring snacks/drinks with him from home to save money. He did pretty well till a couple days ago. And today he bought something. Ever since this new website thing, he has changed. This is the worst he has ever been since 1 year now. Is this a sign that he will never change? Is there another influence that is setting off this behavior? Is this a sign it is time to move on???? I don't know what to think or do right now.
I love him, and I want to help him, but how can I help him now? I have seen him at his best, and when he is trying and he does so well. But just seeing the way he is being right now brings back so many memories of when I was going to leave him because I didn't deserve this. I am having all these flashbacks and its so depressing. Now we have a baby together and I don't want divorce or for him to see us fighting all the time.
When this first started a few days ago, the first argument, my husband had told me that it would be easier for me if I just left him. That I didn't deserve this and that I am too mature for him. He was telling me that we are not compatible. This gave me anxiety. I mean, easier said than done. I love him. I asked if this was his way of telling me that he didn't want to be with me anymore and he says to me that if he didn't want to be with me, he would've left a long time ago. But at the same time, what does this mean? What is ADD and what is not when it comes to poor decisions/behavior???? Someone please help me understand.
How much is enough? Can I still save my marriage? How do I know if he wants to work with me???? I ordered the book the ADHD effect in marriage. It should be here soon. When things were okay with us, he said yes to ordering it and that we would read it together. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I know that I can't do this alone. Please help!!!!!!!!