At the end of rope

I'm new to the forum, although I have been married to my ADHD husband for 10 years now.  I knew when we first got married, he had ADHD, because he told me he was diagnosed with it.  He has been on Adderall for over 6 years now, besides a little weight loss, I cannot tell a huge difference.  I'm not allowed at his Dr.'s visits, therefore, I have no input in the fact that I feel the Adderall is not working.  I feel like his is the worst case senario of ADHD possible.  Our house stays a disaster, we're in debt up to our eyeballs and he still makes extravagent purchases at times, he forgets tons of things(of course alot of small things to forgetting to pick up our children from school), he stays up late at night playing video games and sleeps in....he is self-employed, so there's no one to answer to.   The list goes on and on.  I work part time as a nurse, and work my days off helping him with his business.  Amongst that, I am taking care of our 3 and 6 year old.  I take care of our finances, as well as the business finances, and the house...I receive minimal help with anything.  I feel like a single parent, and sometimes I feel like I would be better off as a single parent.  I have so much resentment toward him and I get more and more bitter everyday.  We have talked about it several times, and for a short amount of time, he'll get better, but then he falls into his old routine.  I feel like his business is suffering from it, and one it'll blow up in our faces.  I'm turning into a person I never wanted to be.  I am snippy with my kids, and hate that I am that way.  I have placed my interests, hobbies, and goals on the back burner, and it angers me.  I feel like there is no effort to even take me out on date night or even do anything nice for me.  I just don't know how much longer I live like this.  If it wasn't for my kids, I think I would be considering a separation.

Carmen's picture

One has the "problem", but this is a dual exercise!

Sometimes I feel like you do. I realize that this ADD thing gets very easily in the middle of what a good relationship between husband and wife should be. It is very challenging to be a wife of an ADD husband. I did not know what to expect when he told me - when we were still dating - that he had this "concentration problem". Now I know how it affects many ways of our normal life. My husband has a serious case of ADD, BUT we are committed to dialogue, to talk, to open our hearts and to raise our kids right. He helps in many many ways. He is very much aware about this situation and how it can affect love and respect... and he does not allow it to happen! In this way, I feel very blessed. But I have had moments of desperation too, of not being patient as well. I do not like, for example, to suggest  a date, I prefer that he comes and asks me out.. But when we go out, it is total romance, so it does compensate. I think both need to work on this situation, because it does affect everything. Hang in there!