How I make myself co-dependent: Me: "Anything I can do to make you more comfortable?" Maybe not in those words but that is my intention when I say it. In my mind, I want to be loved and supportive and "wifey". DH: "Got any pizza?" Me: "Sure and I will whip up canolis for dessert" DH: "Sounds good. Wanna watch football?" Me: "Sure." (secretly I don't like football but I will do it for the sake of the relationship). DH: "Any chips in the house?" Me: (Thinking, Oh no, I should have had the forethought that there was a game and had chips in the house. How stupid I am!) but saying..."I don't have any but I have potatoes, I can quickly make some home made...won't that be fun...I really enjoy cooking" while looking at the mess I am making and how I am going to have to clean it all up. Then I would whip up some onion dip too to go with the home-made chips. DH:"Can you change the channel while you are up?" Me: "What? I have been slaving all day for you and you make me watch football and THEN ask me to change your channel for you too. And look, all the chips are crunched in the floor and there is a beer ring on the new coffee table!" DH: "Sorry, can't we just have a relaxing afternoon?" Me: In my mind. No, I don't know how. I only have value and worth through association with you and you have not noticed everything I do.
This makes me sort of pathetic. This was the romantic notion I had/have about love....that you depend on each other. But I MUST give that up and first be a happy person who does not depend on others for my needs or happiness because my looking to him for my happiness is not working.