I'm new to the forum. I found out I had ADD minus hyperactivity with Acute Anxiety Disorder a year-and-a-half ago. My wife and I have been married for more than 13 years, and most of them have been trying to say the least. We have three daughters and have somehow managed to make it work. I've worked in a field that often lends itself to moving from one place to another, though my ADD diagnosis seems to make all of our moves make a little more sense. But I have also had my shares of job losses, layoffs. It has taken a toll in my intimacy. Wife feels neglected and "unseen." She feels she constantly has to repeat herself. And the truth is, I ADORE my wife! It's true, I forget to do things all the time. EVEN WITH A TON OF REMINDERS ON MY PHONE. I make lists for EVERYTHING and then FORGET TO LOOK AT THEM. She knows I can't help some of it, but she thinks I should have made more progress in the last year and a half than I have.
I have gone to counseling - went for over a year - but stopped when I kept forgetting appointments. I couldn't keep doing that to my counselor. And other than that, I haven't been treated much. I've tried to get in the habit of meditation and I try to get out many times a week and get physical exercise.
But she remains frustrated because I have an intense fear of conflict. As a result, I tend to avoid meetings with my boss, tend to avoid any arguments in general. She says I let people push me around. And maybe I do. I try to remember to do things and have one or two successful days each week where I make some forward progress with my life. I do take Lexapro for my anxiety. But I forget a lot. I've never been able to save money much and our credit has taken a beating through the years. Once a month, she will have all she can take of my forgetfulness or distractability and threaten to take the kids and leave, claiming I don't love her enough to change.
And today was a rough day. She had wanted me to call in sick from my job - but I had recently gotten in trouble for too many sick days - and when I didn't, she taunted me and yelled at me for being a pushover.
No matter what I say or do, I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. Tonight, she stormed out saying she didn't want anything else to do with me.
This is a cycle, and I truly am trying to change. I know I have a long way to go but I'm trying to make progress. I love my wife and my children, but I will never be good enough for her to respect me as a person. I've not been perfect, and there have been times I've TRULY messed up. I've always been faithful to her and as far as I know, she has been to me. But I get scared. I truly don't know what to do. We've moved so much and all I want is to finally STAY in one place and make some friends. It is truly lonely.
How do I continue to manage and finally break this cycle of her feeling like she wants a divorce once a month? I'm afraid one day she might actually go through with it.
Truly trying to become the man she needs me to be.