I have been working very hard to change my thinking as well as what I say, to my ADHD husband as far as "expectations" are concerned. Melissa's book talks about this and so do other books, as well as this forum, and many other sources of information on ADHD. I have to get a new copy of Melissa's book, because I can't find my first copy, and it's been a while since I read it.......so I TOTALLY need to re-read it again.
I know there are "good" expectations, like safety issues, etc. But, my question is about expectations coming from the person who has ADHD. What if the ADHD person has unrealistic expectations of their spouse, and their "unfufilled" unrealistic expectations are causing them to act negatively TOWARDS their spouse? I'm asking this, because this is what my husband is doing to me. We had a conversation the other night, where he has had VERY unrealistic expectations of me, and he's basing his WHOLE feelings towards me on these. I haven't "fulfilled" these expectations, so therefore he can't get close to me. It has to do with him feeling like he is on "his side" and the girls and I are on "another side".
We AREN'T on sides, or have taken sides, but it's how he FEELS. I've read many other posts where ADHD'ers tend to feel this way. (with family taking sides against them) NOBODY is AGAINST my husband/father, but since he basically knows nothing about his ADHD, it's a hard subject to talk to him about.