Expressing frustration without feeling guilty

I do not have ADHD, but my spouse does. He was diagnosed as an adult and he carries a huge burden with him of poor friend and family relationships - even though he is a smart, sincere, funny guy with a huge heart. I guess I saw these traits from the start and because I can do the organizing in the relationship I just sort of took on those responsibilities because he is very talented in other areas. These "other areas" do make up for what he can't do around the home... but sometimes I still get frustrated.

Anyway, his playful, extroverted nature is sometimes difficult for me. I am an introverted person who wants to help and understand him, but sometimes I find his inability to pick up on my subtle cues frustrating... so much so that at times I can't contain my frustration and we end up having these huge blow out arguments where nothing productive happens at all. And even though I know that he can't see why I might be frustrated, I sometimes struggle with being a reasonable person - my emotions take over and I lose it. And then I feel guilty for a) being unreasonable and b) not considering what he is going through and the waters he has to navigate. I definetly have my own issues and I am trying to cope with those too...

I love my husband so much, but there are days when I don't know what's fair for me to feel, and what to do about it. I mean I read about ADHD, I listen to him talk about it, and I WANT to know what is going on, but sometimes I feel like I'm not being heard either and that is hard - especially when day to day expereinces aren't as hard for me as they are for him. And I feel guilty for just writing this post especially when I know that my own outbursts are also to blame.