Extended family and other relationships

As if it isn't hard enough just to deal with our marriage and my own self, bring in the extended family, friends(yours and his), and it's a time bomb. I wish I had two brains, one I could put on a charger and one I could use in the meantime.

The fallout of the ADHD spouse's behavior and issues created can extend to friends and extended family. Over the years I've retreated into a shell, almost a hermit. We have little contact with extended family. We can't handle their dramas and ours and vice versa. It can be such a lonely existence.

Often, it strains the relationships to a breaking point, ending with hurt, resentment and anger on their part as well. When it comes to my friends, it's tough, they want me to leave the marriage, I think if it weren't for my positive attitude and whacked sense of humor and other things I can give in the relationships, I'd not have any friends at all. As it is , most are in other states and we keep in touch via email and facebook. Even then I have to refrain from complaining all the time,  when I do it's with humour.  It's difficult for me to "be" there for them since  I am usually too exhausted mentally to help or cope.

I have three adult daughters and  several grandchildren and one of my daughters has cut us off from contact, she allows us to see my granddaughter and makes arrangements via my son.

She said she can't handle the "toxic" relationship. I know it's not me, really. We were very close until an incident he caused was the "last straw". So as long as I remain with him, she want's no part of  me.

ADHD not only can destroy marriages, it can extend to other relationships, thus making it more difficult to cope without the support from extended family and friends.

It took a long time to get others to accept his diagnosis, but most of them won't even try to get informed. Others till refuse to acknowledge his disorder at all, choosing instead to see him as lazy crazy stupid and me as the long suffering b**** control freak.

How do some of you handle this, have you experienced this?