The bizarre thing is, I'd say, there is a certain feeling of stupidity from not seeing this one coming.
The basic backstory is I'm supposed to be meeting my college age daughter out of town next week to discuss the financial situation of her upcoming semester. The trip was discussed weeks in advance. Unfortunately, we are in a precarious financial situation due due to my husband's spending issues. The most recent issue has been gambling, previously was shopping, credit cards, you name it, it's happened.
Bottom line, the behaviors burned through any reserves I had and included the children's college fund, plus more that I won't go into.
Anyway, suffice it to say, this isn't designed to be a pleasure trip.
Close to two weeks ago, in order to save money we don't have, I asked if he'd mind if I used "his" points to save money on the hotel nights. "No problem, I have plenty," he said. I should have known better.
I ask nearly daily if he has called to check into the issue of me using his points. We are now down to me needing to leave shortly.
I was getting the distinct sense of the avoidance technique. Once I tell him what hotel, he informs it will use all his points. Nothing else. Not anything about it not being okay, just sounds mostly matter of fact. Wasn't thinking anything of it since nothing else was said.
Last evening as he's abruptly leaving for something not previously mentioned, I bring up the fact I still have no reservations and am worried.
As an adjunct, yes, his ADD is obviously undertreated, something he is apparently just fine with since nothing has been done about it.
He texts me while he's gone, asking for my card number for the reservations. I so should have known. I just obviously wasn't picking up on what was really going on.
He mentions a king is cheaper than a double. I'm assuming he means points.
He says he's forwarded my reservations to my email.
I take a look and realize A) It's for one day less than I'm planning to stay. B) The reservations are made on my card, not the points.
I ask him about it since I'd been very specific about him calling about the points to avoid a problem in case I needed to make other arrangements. He says he will call BUT he wanted to make the reservation, so I wouldn't be worried.
Ummm... the reservation he made is to be credited points wise to his account, so he can garner more free nights?
Clearly even via online, he didn't register the reservation actually using his points. Apparently he wants to get points from my stay however.
This morning I mention my concern as he's bailing out for a fishing expedition that will last til evening. He says he can't call til eight. There's no logical way he's getting phone reception to even call at all where he'll be fishing.
I would never have chosen the "points" hotel had there been any indication I was paying. I'm thriftier than that. I have to be.
My guess is this. He decided to avoid the confrontation of being honest and telling me he didn't want me using the points. Doesn't matter to him what the consequence to me is. Here comes the magic/ tragic lack of empathy problem again.
If these were "my" points, mind you I don't think like that, this would be a non issue. He'd use them in a heartbeat. He's proven that with money over n over again. There'd be no regard for me.
Though I'm seeing I'll likely need to fend for myself here, not even sure to this day why this ridiculous stuff happens.
It's like being married to an adult toddler. I just don't even know how to communicate through this one.