Hi everyone, I'm new here... hi!! So I have been in a relationship with my first live-in ADHD boyfriend. It's been interesting. Like everyone - first contact was very electric. Then, it kind of went crazy and I think we had sex for the first 6 months (on and off) and then decided to move in together. We have officially not had sex for about a year now. So you're probably wondering why I'm with him? Well, other than the ADHD moments, he's wonderful. He's a musician, we have a lot of interests in common, and he's a caring person. He also is also slightly bipolar and 3/4 sicilian, and he loves to fight.
It's really validating to read these posts and see I'm not alone on this merry-go-round of fighting. We didn't know he was ADHD at first. He mentioned that he had been diagnosed when we first started dating, and I had no experience with that so I didn't know what it meant. Ha! Eventually I pieced together the s-storm of craziness and read this ADHD and Marriage book (still reading it). He's reading with me and agrees with it, and is following some stuff but he is not on medication and he is going to therapy, but not with an ADHD specialist.
Anyway, we have good days and bad ones, as I'm sure you can all relate. The two things that keep happening that is drive me crazy relate to facial expressions and social situations.
So regarding facial expressions - my bf constantly gets upset because he says my facial expression/tone is angry or something. He reacts to what he is interpreting and then I quickly find myself in a fight for just existing. How common is this? I'm trying to figure out if he is A) a jerk, B) someone who could benefit from ADHD therapy in this area, or C) I need plastic surgery to correct my bitchy resting face. :o/
Then regarding social situations... We are having problems in the focus area. I find it is really challenging to be in public with him because he seems to hyperfocus on people at my expense a lot of times. He feels anxious, too - I think he wants for it to go well, but its a lot of pressure. The thing is, he feels so COMFORTABLE with us living together now that he sometimes disses me or ignores me during conversations - and absolutely takes them over. I feel he disagrees with my way of "being" and this makes him angry, and he can sometimes be disrespectful in public to me. When I say something to explain how I'd like things to be different in the future, he takes it personally and accuses me of attacking me and says hurtful things. Does anyone have advice for me about this?
I'm really depressed because we were planning take a trip together in a couple of weeks and I am honestly considering not going at this point. Seems like whenever we go away for vacation, things get worse bc of the variables involved. If anyone has tips for going on vk with ADHD, those would be appreciated as well.
Thanks for listening and for all of your great posts. I don't feel so alone.