My ADHD hubby's family is on my last nerve. I guess it's because after four years of marriage, we're actually living in the same town as them, so we're back into the honeymoon phase of sorting out family dynamics.
To start, I have a hard time not feeling resentful towards his parents. Because hubby was homeschooled, no one ever picked up on his ADHD until he was married to me. I know that a lot of folks have been dealt with that hand and hubby says that he sort of glad that he was never diagnosed because he wouldn't be the same person. But along with that has been the years of damage he's done to his parents. And now his sister's husband is on the war path, dragging up past wrongs, and generally causing mayhem.
Hubby's parents don't believe in ADHD. They'll give him money for his Dr visits or meds, but at the heart of things, they still don't understand. I've sat in the same room with hubby's dad and heard him say that he could never understand why hubby could never get out of bed to do things he wanted to do. I wanted to scream, "It's the ADHD!!" But I can't.
There's other dysfunction at play, unfortunately. Hubby was the first and much longed for child, and I feel that his parents want him placed in a glass box. They never supported his ambition to be a cop--well not until he was three years in and just before he was fired for tardiness. And now, he wants a motorcycle as his primary vehicle, which entails selling an older truck that his dad gave him. His dad doesn't want him to have a motorcycle because he might get hurt or killed. He would prefer us to sell the truck and get a newer car for me to drive so that hubby could have the car I drive. But that's not on the table. In any case, I was under the impression that his dad was OK with us selling the truck, that he knew hubby would do what he wanted to do. But then when our brother-in-law found out (via my Facebook) about the bike, he got all upset and went to hubby's dad and got him stirred up. When I confronted him about it, he ran off at the mouth and pretty much dredged up every bad thing my hubby has done in the last 5 to 10 years. I know my hubby has made mistakes, but do I really need to be reminded of it when I'm working to forgive and forget? I'm happy with hubby now, more than I have been since we got married. Hubby is going back to school, getting his life in order, and all his family can do is dwell on his mistakes and cause trouble. It infuriates me!
Can anyone else sympathize?