Just curious. Spouses, what was/is your relationship with your father? I ask because it occurs to me that if I could have talked to my Dad about these things and been assured that I would get support and that he would believe me, I could have made the necessary changes I needed to from the beginning and laying out the groundwork to be respected....or maybe I would never have had the over-tolerance to dh's actions and inaction and irresponsibilities. I never mentioned to my Dad about any problems...I only wanted him to be proud of me and believe I was OK....so he never knew what I was putting up with. I wanted to please my Dad and he didn't pay much attention to me . I even remember wanting to choose someone to marry so that my DAD would be comfortable with my spouse. Just wondering if there is a pattern. Many of us seem to be pleasers to our own detriment....afraid to make work to our own wants and needs met and then confused and angry because we don't get our needs met. Afraid to lay down the law with consequences. Any thoughts?
Come to think of it, I told my Mom some of the things going on and she dismissed them with, "When life hands you lemons, make lemonde". Then told me of her own woes as if these were expected things in love and life. End of my talking about it. No advice or offers of support. I am not angry at them. It is just the way it was normal with our family....not to talk about real problems. It was the age of repression in some families I guess. In my family, not one went to parents with problems because having a problem meant there was something wrong with you as in, "What's the matter with you?"
I would suggest, if you have parents yet, to practice asserting your own needs even if small, with them....if you can. Is there a connection?