fear of the future

I just had a light bulb moment.

During our 1st 2 years of dating, I noticed my husband was forgetful and clumsy. I noticed that he had organizational problems, and problems focusing, but I thought it was due to his heavy stress load due to residency/parent issues.

During our 1st 2 years of marriage, these things became more noticeable and I became more angry.

  • i cannot rely on him, even for simple things
  • i feel alone, a lot
  • he constantly needs to "clear his head"-- which leaves me a lone
  • i have to keep track of myself, my career, and his stuff.. which is mentally exhausting for me
  • he is emotionally labile, extreme emotions
  • i cannot even speak to him without getting into an argument
  • im so sick of the forgetfulness, because it means i have to remember everything
  • it feels like i have a child, not a partner
  • im scared to have children with him, because i know i will have a breakdown. i cannot keep track of everyone and everything
  • i can no longer tolerate or deal with his anger issues
  • his pacing up and down constantly is so bothersome to me
  • i can see that friends/family look at him like he is so bizarre, which makes me feel uncomfortable
  • i am having a lot of anxiety about the future... because i cannot tolerate this for the rest of my life
  • i feel like i am losing myself, i am tired of giving and giving and taking care of him
  • i just want to have an equal partner
  • there is so much more to this....

I am so happy that I found this website. I dont want to leave my husband, but I know that I cannot be in a marriage like this forever. I just cant, none of my needs are being met.

Please help me :(