Feel like I can't do it anymore

 

I know so many women of husband with ADHD feel this way...but I just need to vent before I loose my sanity.  My spouse has severe ADHD, to the extent that he leaves cupboard doors open, sugar bowls open for bugs to get into, front doors open...you get the idea.  The house is a disaster, and I have not many of my own needs met, including physical.  He has finally gotten a diagnosis and started on Ritalin.  He feels like a new person although he feels like the dosage needs to be hirer.  Recently there has been a question as to wether I have the inatentive ADD and I will be tested for that.  But I know that I struggle with depression/anxiety off and on and am on medicines for it.  The problem is, together we are an emotional rollacoaster of a couple!  Between his almost regulated ADHD, hyperactivity, temper, innatentiveness, and my depression, anxiety, and forgetfulness,...well, you get the picture.  I feel like im loosing my sanity.  I am the main provider.  I pay $800 a month for a 2 bedroom apart that looks constantly like a dump hole.  Im afraid of renting a new place for fear he will trash it.  I sometimes wonder if there comes a point where staying together is just not healthy.  I am almost fourty.  I worry that my current stress level in this relationship and my constant irritability, and sadness will make me sick.  I almost think its easier to be alone and just take care of myself, but at the same time, I hate the thought of divorce and I do care about him...Also, I have strong religious beliefs against divorce.  Anyways, just venting.  Who knows, maybe being alone, I wouldnt be much better, i mean sure my place would be cleaner, but I would be just that, alone.

Dear artsygal,      I'm

Dear artsygal,  

   I'm afraid I don't have much in the way of help for you, but I am giving you big hugs and support as I feel like we could be twins! Right down to the age, thoughts, 'artsy -ness', etc...

 One thing I've have found useful is alanon literature. The gist of it is taking care of yourself. A lot of 'one day at a time', etc...on another hand, there IS  crossroads where it must be decided what path to take - solo, or not? Alone is so hard. Roller coaster relationship is so hard. It's a tough crossroads, a tough decision to make, and who knows even WHEN to make that decision? Now, or wait, until....uhh??

 More hugs for you. And if we both look around the junction we're standing at, I bet we'll spot each other! I'm the 40 yr. old woman waving 'hello.'. 

 -rara avis-